Sunday, May 8, 2016

My mother was very, very clean and made good spaghetti and meatballs.

I would like to sing a little song in honor of Mother’s Day, okay? Sing along with me to the familiar tune of “Happy Birthday.”

Happy Mother’s Day to you,
Happy Mother’s Day to you,
Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there folding underwear,
Happy Mother’s Day to you!

I didn’t say it was a good song, I just said it was a song. Get over it, okay?

This was my first Mother’s Day since my own mother, who was 92, died late last summer. Even though we had an extremely difficult relationship for most of my life and didn’t speak very often, I’ve been trying to push the negative memories as far back into my conscious brain as I possibly can so I can remember a few good things about her. Here are three I came up with today:
  1. She made good spaghetti and meatballs.
  2. She was very, very clean.
  3. Up until the day she died she was still getting her hair and nails done.
I know this isn’t much, but I’m trying. Thank you for putting up with me.

Yes, friends, I’ve got a few more FABULOUS FREE FONTS for you tonight! “Canter” and “Cougher” include a variety of weights and styles, “Fetching” comes with a bonus font that’s nothing but strange little patterns, and “Carolyna Words” is nothing but a font full of — you guessed it — WORDS, which coordinate with “Carolyna Pro,” a free (and very pretty) script font that I posted here a couple of weeks ago. (If you need the download link again, click here.) Download links for the rest of these fonts appear after the graphic.

As long as I’m on a roll here with my number one addiction (fonts) I thought I’d throw in a few samples of the really gorgeous digital files included in The Ultimate Gold Box — and The Ultimate Rose Gold Box — that I bought yesterday from Creative Market. These are all high resolution 300 dpi JPG images, 12 inches square, and the patterns are all seamless, which means you can tile them in every direction to make one gigantic image as big as a Buick.
The Ultimate Gold Box included 100 files — high-resolution images of gold foil, gold fabric, gold-sprayed wood, gold leather, gold animal prints, gold concrete, gold glitter, gold confetti, gold camo, gold EVERYTHING — plus bonus collections of 16 gold and white vines and polka dots, 16 gold and white florals, 16 gold damask patterns, 16 gold bokeh backgrounds (soft-focus lights) and 16 gold and white chevron patterns. It’s really enough to make your brain explode. (Also your hard drive.)

And then today I discovered a free graphics website — — where I downloaded a whole pile of vector format (high resolution) marble backgrounds in shades of gray, black and pink ... for zero money whatsoever. FREE IS GOOD.

On a completely different subject entirely I would like to expose the three worst ballpark concession stand meals in the United States. The list appears after the images and includes the name of the corresponding sports team in italics.
THE SWEENIE DONUT DOG. Served on a Krispy Kreme bun with a pound of bacon. The Wilmington Blue Rocks.

THE CHAMPION CHIP NACHOS BUCKET. A popcorn bucket piled with nacho chips and a heaping pile of ground beef, chipotle cheese sauce, black beans, cotija cheese, green chilies, jalapeños, sliced black olives, guacamole, sour cream, pico de gallo and banana pepper rings. The Seattle Seahawks.

THE BIG MOTHER FUNNEL BURGER. Two funnel cakes with powdered sugar, eight strips of bacon, a half-pound of cheese and a one-pound burger. The Wisconsin Timber Rattlers.

Now that everybody’s sufficiently nauseated I think I’ll mosey into the family room and pester Sam to make me a snack. I’m thinking microwave popcorn or maybe Costco chicken salad in a plastic tub. Don’t be jealous, okay?

Thank you for reading this.

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