Friday, March 4, 2016

Mazel tov to me. I’ve been dicking around with the Howdygram again!

Yee-haw, everybody, and MAZEL TOV TO ME! Our brand new banner design is probably the biggest and goddamn bestest Howdygram re-do I’ve ever had ... not counting June 2014 when our former blog looked like THIS (click here or see below).
My latest banner design capitalizes on the overall “look” of The Howdygram Store on Zazzle so nobody will get confused and forget what’s what. I also added a bunch of sparkly gold to the color palette, including navigation buttons, post dividers, sidebar dividers, sidebar title graphics and even the logo. If you think anything else should sparkle, please let me know. (Thank you.)

I’ve got an exciting addendum to a big news story from last night’s Howdygram post, specifically that the FBI is finally arresting the violent, gun-waving militia assholes involved in the 2014 Bundy Ranch standoff and this year’s takeover of that stupid fucking bird sanctuary in Oregon. Those arrested yesterday included Jerry Delemus of New Hampshire, our Putz of the Week, who fronts for a bogus Donald Trump veterans group and serves as co-chair of Trump’s presidential campaign. And you know what I just found out from an updated article on That Delemus was arrested on NINE FEDERAL CHARGES — including SEDITION — for staging an armed overthrow of the United States government. Sedition!? This makes me so goddamn happy I might have a nervous breakdown!
Delemus will have plenty of time in federal prison to study that old copy of the U.S. Consitution he’s always waving at everybody. Adios, moron!

And now ... from a Putz to an Einstein! The Howdygram’s latest Einstein Award honoree is Afghan war vet Jacob Worthington, who was arrested yesterday in the bathroom of a Waffle House in Athens, Georgia. He was dressed as a clown and smoking meth. Worthington’s mugshot appears below for your possible interest.

Police charged our Einstein with possession with intent to distribute marijuana and Schedule I and II narcotics, possession of Schedule I and II narcotics, and possession of a shitload of drug paraphernalia. He also had a red rubber nose. (I’m pretty sure the red rubber nose isn’t illegal.)
According to Worthington’s Facebook page: “The frown of a clown brings down everyone around yet between me and you the most happy clowns are blue. This is true for the best thing to do is to avoid them all together.” He seems nice, doesn’t he? And mentally stable!

Here are a few juicy news tidbits from the 2016 Republican clown car!
  • Retired brains expert DR. BEN CARSON has finally ended his presidential campaign due to polling numbers circling the drain at less than 1% and almost everybody actually thinking he’s been deceased since Thanksgiving.
  • DONALD TRUMP is volunteering to pay court costs and legal fees for supporters who get arrested beating up liberals. (I’m serious.)
  • JEB BUSH — anybody remember Jebbie? — thinks Donald Trump will accept the GOP’s nomination and then secretly hand the presidency to his best friend Hillary Clinton.
  • According to an interview in the current issue of New York Magazine, former Louisiana Governor BOBBY JINDAL says Donald Trump’s popularity is President Obama’s fault because Obama is a mature, educated and articulate law scholar, and the general population prefers vulgar assholes.
  • CAITLYN JENNER wants to be President Ted Cruz’s “trans community ambassador.” WTF?! Ted Cruz thinks transgenders are PERVERTS and SEXUAL PREDATORS, Cait. Either you’re insane ... or your fucking hair extensions are wrapped too tight!

In case you needed some visual evidence, poorly educated white frat boys really do prefer Donald Trump. I’m guessing these idiots are all graduates of Trump University.

To all my free font collectors ... I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU! I’ve got two more fonts for you today, both of them slightly weird. One is called “Poker Kings” and has the strangest capital “G” I’ve ever seen; the other is “Credit Card Font” that really does look like the font on your credit cards. Download links appear after the graphic.

In case you’re interested, I designed the following Visa card mockup so you can see the “Credit Card Font” in action. Wow, right?

It’s 9:45 Friday night, Sam just got home from work and we’re planning a fabulous, fun-filled weekend that includes: 1) eating saltines; 2) watching a “Columbo” rerun; 3) doing our taxes; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. Please feel free to join us because we have plenty of snacks on hand. Thank you for reading this.

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