Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Wow. Slimebag Turd Cruz beat blowhard Donald Trump!

There’s good news and bad news today at Howdygram headquarters.

GOOD NEWS. The Howdygram Store is finally open on Zazzle and you can start shopping whenever you’re ready! I’ll be adding new products almost daily so please come back constantly to see my latest creations. Thank you.

BAD NEWS. I was sick all weekend and all day yesterday. My only symptoms were: 1) a very high fever; and 2) an exploding bladder. Item number two is a lot worse than item number one, however, because I have too many mobility impairments to make it to the bathroom in an emergency ... so you can only guess what happened instead. Fortunately, as soon as my fever broke the bladder issue was no longer a thing and I stopped marking my territory all over the house. (Poor Sam.)

Let’s talk politics for a minute, okay? I do NOT understand the Iowa caucus or why anybody would think they’re an important part of America’s presidential election cycle. I mean, Iowa is a boring-ass white bread state full of boring-ass white bread farmers and barely 40% of them bother to “caucus” at all ... how in hell are they even remotely representative of the United States? The Iowa caucus, therefore, is just a bunch of the aforementioned boring-ass white bread farmers hanging out in a group with coffee and cookies attempting to decide on their favorite presidential candidate. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Seriously, people ... do YOU care what Iowa thinks? I sure don’t.

Frankly, the only entertaining outcome was slimebag Turd Cruz beating blowhard Donald Trump ... much to Trump’s consternation and surprise.

Although Trump’s concession speech apparently was remarkably polite, this morning he was already involved in a storm of increasingly sarcastic and hostile tweets. At least he’s consistent. Once an asshole, always an asshole!

It wouldn’t be a Howdygram post without another batch of FABULOUS FREE FONTS, right? Here they are ... they’re all terrific, and “Angelline” and “Ke Aloha” include a bunch of fancy swashes and curlicue things. I’ll include download links after the graphic so you can grab them for your own collection. (You’re welcome.)

In an appearance yesterday on CNN’s The Lead, tundra moron and former half-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin attempted to discuss Donald Trump’s recent change of heart on abortion only to baffle host Jake Tapper when she began rambling about Justin Bieber. Seriously.
Palin excitedly praised Trump for coming around to her anti-choice views. The billionaire had always been pro-choice but staged a convenient turnaround immediately prior to yesterday’s caucus in evangelical-heavy Iowa.

“I am so glad that Mr. Trump has seen the light and understands the sanctity of innocent life and how a baby in the womb should be most protected,” Palin said, before she began free associating in a drunken rant. The video clip is posted below for your possible interest.

This woman gives me a such a goddamn headache.

Thank you for reading this.

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