God bless the FBI.

I’ve got some cool and exciting shit to share with y’all tonight, but I’ll get the biggest story out of the way first with an exciting triple headline. Please feel free to cheer and clap whenever necessary, okay?

The stupid militia hoo-hah in Oregon is over.

The last four holdouts were arrested by the Feds.

The FBI even got Cliven Bundy!

After being surrounded by the FBI in a bunch of scary armored vehicles, the four remaining lunatics at the Oregon wildlife refuge finally surrendered earlier today despite their repeated threats of “liberty or death” and eventually demanding the right to leave the refuge with their assault weapons and go home without getting arrested. When it became clear they had no choice, no rights and no other options, all four gave up and walked out holding an American flag. The aforementioned lunatics are Jeff Banta, David Fry and Sean and Sandy Anderson. (I couldn’t find a picture of Jeff Banta.)

The best part of this, though, is the third headline at the top of this post about that asshole Cliven Bundy, who started an armed insurrection against the Federal government last year by inviting hundreds of right-wing militia goons to his ranch in Nevada, where he’d been roaming his cattle on government-owned land for decades without paying any grazing fees. So when Bundy decided to travel to Oregon yesterday to support the four remaining anti-government goons, he was arrested by the FBI at Portland’s airport, where they knew he’d be unarmed and unprotected by his usual squad of militia bodyguards.

Apparently the indictment of Cliven Bundy is a masterful document that details a conspiracy to defraud and harm the government for selfish reasons. And Bundy, his two sons (who are already in FBI custody) and their like-minded pals stupidly recorded everything they did on video, so they have no defense and there’s no question about the laws they’ve broken.

Cliven Bundy is charged with Conspiracy to Commit An Offense Against the United States; Assault on a Federal Law Enforcement Officer; Use and Carry of a Firearm In Relation to a Crime of Violence; Obstruction of the Administration of Justice; Interference with Commerce by Extortion; and Aiding and Abetting.  

Everybody is being held without bail, and Bundy and his sons will be in prison for the rest of their lives. The party at Howdygram headquarters starts tonight at 10 p.m. Tell your friends! Bring snacks!

---

I saw this on Facebook a little while ago and decided to recreate it using better graphics because I’m such a neurotic. I also agree with the sentiment. It’s no longer quirky, cute or expressive to type complete sentences in all lowercase letters. PLEASE GROW UP ALREADY.

---

It’s 11 p.m. Thursday night. Sam has been asleep in the family room since 4:30 this afternoon and I’m wondering if he’s still breathing. I might wander into the room and wake him up because I’m hungry and I still haven’t eaten dinner. I actually wouldn’t mind nuking myself a little can of Chef Boyardee ravioli here in the study except my insulin bag is on the coffee table and I have to inject insulin before I eat. I’M SO GODDAMN CONFUSED! SOMEBODY HELP ME! Wake up, Sam! WAKE UP!

Oy, I think I’m probably delirious here. I’m also in the mood to type all night, which is a little scary. Thank you for putting up with me, people.