I refuse to start eating Chef Boyardee ravioli on the toilet.

The five remaining Republican clown car passengers are debating right now — AT THIS VERY MOMENT — in Houston, Texas, exercising one last chance to tear each other to ribbons on television before the Super Tuesday primaries on March 1. Frankly, I haven’t had a very good day, pain-wise, so I’m convinced I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to watch these assholes in action again. Therefore I’m doing a live-stream from CNN.com with the volume off. Trust me ... this is definitely the most satisfying way to watch these morons with their mouths open.

Incidentally, I want to make one yooge point about the GOP before I move on to other subjects. I’m always fighting to keep in mind that, although Donald Trump is called the “frontrunner,” he’s disliked by a majority of Repubicans ... as evidenced by the results in Nevada a few days ago. Sure. Trump “won” the caucuses with 45% of the vote ... but 54.5% of voting Republicans preferred SOMEBODY ELSE. No shit.

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And now, for your possible interest, here’s the current pain readout from Marcy’s official Shit-O-Meter. I don’t really know what’s going on today, but it’s NOT GOOD AT ALL. Click on the graphic for more information. Thank you for caring. (I wouldn’t joke about this.)

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Show of hands. Anybody remember “The Lawrence Welk Show,” the tackiest 60 minutes on American television? Welk (see right), a former bandleader from the 1940s, hosted this weekly hour-long variety show sponsored by Geritol that ran on ABC for 27½ years (no, that’s not a typo!) from 1955 through 1982 featuring a bunch of deliriously happy Jesus-lovers with nice hair and teeth showing off their talents as ballroom dancers and country singers. Here’s a video clip for your possible amusement of a wholesome, clean-cut duo that clearly has NO CLUE what they’re singing about. Holy shit ... please welcome Gail and Dale singing that new Christian favorite, “One Toke Over the Line.”

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Hallelujah and glorioski ... my pain meds just kicked in and I’m finally starting to feel like a human being again! In case you give a crap, today’s issue is severely irritated skin on the back of both thighs that feels like a third-degree burn being pinched by a pliers. Seriously. I don’t know how else to describe it. The only time I’m without pain is when I’m sitting on the toilet, reclining on my chaise in the family room or lying in bed, none of which allows for any comfort whatsoever at mealtime or watching TV with Sam. I refuse to start eating Chef Boyardee ravioli on the toilet. (That might be the best goddamn sentence I’ve ever written.)

Thank you for your support and have a really pleasant evening.