Dubya finally crawled out from under his rock here in Dallas to help Jeb win a few voters in South Carolina.

It’s a lovely, sunny Monday in Texas and here I am, wide awake, slugging a nice cold can of Diet Sunkist and typing like a maniac. I would rather still be asleep, to tell you the truth, but sleep will have to wait a little while longer. I just took a jumbo dose of hydrocodone and when it finally kicks in I’ll migrate to the chaise in the family room and conk out for three or six hours. (You’ll know when it’s time. I’ll be incoherent.) My number one issue du jour? I’M NAUSEATED AND DIZZY. My blood pressure medication (Benazepril) and my heart medication (Metoprolol) tend to do this to me and make me feel like shit. I also have some intense stinging pain from diabetic peripheral neuropathy on the outside of my left thigh from the hip to the knee. Therefore I think this situation deserves an official report from Marcy’s Shit-O-Meter.

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Before I forget ...

For your possible interest, here in Texas we have garbage collection today, there’s no U.S. mail delivery but the banks are open, and this is the best day of the year to get a great deal on mattresses and used cars.

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I’m sure you’re visiting the Howdygram for the latest news from the 2016 Republican clown car, right? It seems that the remaining cast of characters is busy elbowing their way around in South Carolina tonight, pandering for votes — pro Jesus! pro military! pro-life! God bless the Confederacy! — before tomorrow’s primary.

DONALD TRUMP DOESN’T LIKE TED CRUZ and called him a “basket case” and a “liar.” We’ve also got Donald Trump threatening to sue Cruz for: 1) being a meanie who’s running attack ads; and 2) being born in Canada. 

DONALD TRUMP ALSO DOESN’T LIKE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. Earlier today he was waving around a pledge he signed last fall with the RNC swearing off a third-party run if they’ll treat him “fairly,” not allow booing when he speaks at a debate and not let anybody say bad things about him EVER, such as the aforementioned meanie Ted Cruz and that low-energy loser, Jeb Bush. Which apparently is an indication that Donald is finally considering a run for the White House as a third-party candidate. He says the RNC is officially “in default of their pledge to me” by allowing Ted Cruz to state that Trump would appoint a Supreme Court justice who would erase the Second Amendment. (Never mind that the RNC’s pledge is neither defensible nor enforceable. It’s more like something mom and dad made you sign in middle school so you’d promise to do your homework.)

DUBYA FINALLY CRAWLED OUT FROM UNDER HIS ROCK here in Dallas to help Jeb win over a few voters in South Carolina. Apparently South Carolina is the only state that doesn’t vomit at the sight of George W. due to support from all the local military bases. Jeb is hoping to finish above fourth place but it’s not likely. As Dubya spoke at an afternoon rally, the banner “JEB WON SOUTH CAROLINA” behind the podium didn’t instill much confidence. You remember “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED,” right?

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You betcha ... I’ve got another exciting herd of FREE FONTS for you tonight! I guess my favorites would have to be “Pintanina” and “Biker,” both with lots of alternate styles and weights, and “Nanu Simple Ornaments” because you never know when you’ll need a nice little shape or teeny banner. I’ll include download links after the graphic so you can snag all of these for your own personal collection.

Handwriting Draft • Pintanina • Biker • Litteratum • Nanu Simple Ornaments

Kemayu Script • 1722 Font • Bandoleones

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I think that’s probably all for tonight because Sam will be home from work in a few minutes, my legs are killing me and I think I have to pee. Thank you for stopping by. Seriously.