Saturday, February 20, 2016

I love voting by mail because you don’t have to fuck around with shoes or a brassiere.

Howdy-do from warm yet strangely overcast north Texas, where Sam is on his way to Mesquite’s city hall to pay our monthly water bill — he has a deep commitment to the drop-box in their parking lot — and when he gets home about 20 minutes from now I will ask him to nuke me something terrific for a late lunch. I’ve got a craving for a Sam-made cheeseburger (again) with a slab of real tomato and sugar-free bread & butter pickle chips. This actually sounds so fucking great I might have a brain hemorrhage.

Immediately after lunch I want to fill out my absentee ballot for the March 1 “Super Tuesday” Democratic primary because I’m a good citizen and I love voting at home. I’ve been doing the absentee ballot thing for the last couple of years and highly recommend it. You don’t have to screw around figuring out if your polling place was moved (this actually happened to us three times here) or try to find information on the Internet about the dates for early voting.

You also don’t have to fuck around with shoes or a brassiere, lousy weather doesn’t make a difference and the whole process really couldn’t be easier. All I do is fill out an annual application in January (you can request it online) and every ballot throughout the year is mailed to your house in a gigantic envelope WITH FREE RETURN POSTAGE. Dallas County definitely knows how to make a handicapped old lady happy. If they’d find a way to throw in a free order of Mongolian chicken I’d be even happier.

There’s a lot of political hoo-hah going on today in the United States as Republicans in South Carolina and Democrats in Nevada are casting their presidential primary ballots. CNN has already predicted wins for Hillary Clinton and the megalomaniacal Manhattan orangutan, both pictured below. (I do these graphics really good, don’t I?)
Just in case you give a crap, as of this hour (10:15 p.m. Central time) in South Carolina, Turd Cruz and Marco Robot are still battling it out for a lackluster second and third place, and Jeb Bush, who’s in fourth barely ahead of John Kasich, finally gave up the ghost altogether and suspended his campaign. Holy shit, Jeb, it’s about damn time!
I’m still waiting for Kasich and Ben Carson to get the memo on this. At the moment they’re clawing for fifth and sixth place and I think somebody should put them out of their misery already. I’d be willing to bet that Donald Trump would do it.

Hey! Need a few more swell new fonts? I’ve got some really nice ones for you today, faces with lots of character and interesting letterforms. My favorites here are “Bookeyed Suzanne,” “Mussa,” “Lasermetal” and “Le Prince Sur Le Mouton.” (That last one translates into English as “Prince of Sheep.” No kidding.) Download links will be included after the graphic so you can add these to your personal collection. FYI, the last six listed are all in the same download file along with two more fonts you might like as well.

Know what? I was busy again today with The Howdygram Store! Although I don’t want you to think I”m trying to shove all these cool products down your throat, you really ought to take a look at them and choose some excellent birthday gifts as soon as possible. Today I designed half a dozen cute wristlet mini clutch bags (samples below), all of which coordinate with matching spiral notebooks and mousepads. Eventually they’ll all having matching keychains, too!

I think it might be time to start wrapping things up for bedtime. This would include: 1) publishing this post; 2) taking a handful of pills and another hydrocodone; 3) injecting insulin; and 4) answering a couple of emails. Thanks for stopping by tonight, okay? Say hi to the family for me.

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