Wednesday, February 17, 2016

An ass-slapping Einstein gets arrested in Toledo.

When you’re a retired, disabled, housebound senior citizen with shitty knees and diabetes there are many, many times when you have a lousy day due to chronic pain issues, your body is falling apart and nobody thinks you should take a Norco every 45 minutes. Unfortunately, today is edging into “lousy day” territory for all of the following reasons.
  1. I’m very thirsty but I don’t know why.
  2. I pulled a groin muscle when I got up off the sofa yesterday in a weird position and today I almost can’t move. Oy, goddamn it.
  3. The skin on the back of my thighs feels like a third-degree burn. This is due to diabetic neuropathy and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. Oy, goddamn it (again).
  4. I almost fell down in the bathroom this morning. The tip of my cane found the only damp spot on our stone floor and sent me flying into the vanity, which broke my fall. This did not help my sprained groin muscle in any way whatsoever. Then I took my shower.
  5. I can’t think of anything else. (This one is self-explanatory.)

Last week Christian radio host Mark Wayne “Einstein” Howington, 52, was arrested for assault after busting into a women’s restroom at Target store in Toledo, Ohio, and slapping the rear end of a surprised female customer who had to pee.

The woman, Debra Piechowski, told ABC13 she was at Target with her niece shopping for a Valentine’s Day gift for her husband. She reported the slapping incident to security but the man who whacked her left really quickly. “He just hit me really hard,” she said. “Didn’t say a word; just kept walking.”
Piechowski eventually ran into Einstein in the parking lot trying to pry open a car door. When he walked away she followed him until the police arrived — a really stupid thing to do, if you think about it — at which time they found Howington with his hand in his pocket holding onto a screwdriver, resulting in an additional charge for carrying a concealed weapon. When Einstein refused to give police his name they tacked on a charge for obstruction.

Howington co-hosts a morning show on Proclaim FM, a Christian radio station. He has been suspended for being an asshole.

And now for our almost-daily diatribe about Donald Trump, the fit-throwing man-child billionaire who wants to run the world because he’s so yooge and really phenomenal.

This morning at a rally in South Carolina Trump once again wasted the audience’s time complaining about the “not very nice” treatment he believes he’s receiving from right-wing Fox News, whining that “Fox treats me, like, worse than anybody.” Seriously, Donald? Ever listened to Fox’s thoughts on President Obama?
“I get treated so badly. I was watching Fox this morning. They treat me so badly. Fox treats me, like, worse than anybody. But I get treated badly by the media. I don’t even … I don’t really understand why,” Trump said while seated on a stage. “They have pundits on that are just one after another negative, negative, negative. It started where actually nobody — they all thought I wasn’t going to run and they said, ‘he’ll never run, he’ll never run’ and then they look bad and then they just don’t stop,” he continued. “Some of them have become much better, but I think Fox in particular treats me so badly. It’s incredible.”

Awww. Welcome to the real world, you self-absorbed idiot! Reporters and networks aren’t your “yes men,” they don’t answer to you, and they’re free to hate your miserable guts and not worry about getting fired by a whiny-ass Manhattan orangutan.

It may interest you to know that a recent poll showed that a lot of Republicans are impressed by Donald Trump’s “leadership abilities.” Leadership? From a soulless, schizophrenic jackass who lurches back and forth between whining and bullying? Holy shit.

It seems that crybaby Trump had his team of lawyers send a “cease and desist” letter to Ted Cruz today to force him to stop running mean ads on the teevee that say Donald is PRO-CHOICE. Trump calls Cruz’s attack ads “outright lies and complete fabrications” ... even though they include actual video footage of Trump admitting in a televised interview from 2008 that he’s definitely pro-choice and favors a woman’s right to choose a partial-term abortion if she wants one. Trump promises on a stack of Evangelical-approved Jesus books to move forward with an actual scary lawsuit for billions of dollars if the Cruz campaign refuses to stop airing these ads. Cruz basically responds with: “Good luck with that, you asshole.”

No kidding, this election is so damn much fun I can hardly stand it.

It’s almost 8 p.m. and I just enjoyed lovely evening meal here in the study. This consisted of a teeny can of Chef Boyardee mini-ravioli in red sauce heated in my desktop microwave and consumed with a plastic spoon and a napkin. (I didn’t eat the napkin.) For dessert I’ve got a couple of Russell Stover sugar-free chocolate-covered marshmallows and wintergreen TicTacs.

Incidentally, a little while ago I ordered more chocolates from Russell Stover’s website because we’re only five weeks away from Easter and it’s time to stock up on my favorite sugar-free milk chocolate rabbits. Russell Stover’s Easter rabbits taste exactly like the cheap shit chocolate bunnies you get from the drug store ... and THEY’RE FANTASTIC. I ordered two. Plus bags of Russell Stover’s faux York peppermint patties, caramel crunch things with chocolate and Rice Krispies, dark chocolate coconut with chopped-up almonds and a five-flavor assortment featuring peanut butter cups and pecan turtles. Oy! So much chocolate, so little time ...

Mazel tov to Jeb Bush ... he finally decided to trade those nerd glasses for contacts, allowing him to squint at reporters and continue looking like a total jerk on national television. Apparently this is a 180° decision after Jeb recently declared, “I’m not going to take off my stinking glasses” and “I think I look pretty damn good in them.” Sorry, Jeb ... not really. You look just as lousy with glasses as without them.
And now ... good night! Sam is home from work and it’s time to migrate into the family room for crackers and butter and a couple of good movies maybe. Thank you for reading this.

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