Saturday, January 16, 2016

Introducing Mentally Ill Senior Citizen Spaghetti with Gigantic Flat Meatballs.

Happy Saturday to you and yours from Howdygram headquarters. It’s nearly 8 p.m. and I’ve done nothing of any consequence whatsoever today except for eating lunch with Sam and making it all the way to the bathroom three times without pishing in the hall. Thrilling milestones, right? A cold snap has me feeling achy, crappy and listless so I’ve been taking an extra pain pill every once in a while. Thank God I have the perfect life of a handicapped retired senior citizen; I have nowhere to go and nothing to do, I haven’t bothered to wear a brassiere since 2008 and I only own one pair of shoes.

Show of hands. Anybody here a fan of “Real Time with Bill Maher” on HBO? Bill’s got a petition for you to sign at We the People on the White House’s website encouraging President Obama to accept an invitiation to appear on Bill’s show. If 100,000 people sign during the next 30 days the White House is required to respond. Sam and I added our signatures this morning; now it’s YOUR turn! Thank you for your support and tell your friends.

Yup, you guessed it ... more free fonts. Lots and lots of them! “Brix Slab” and “Sanchez Condensed” include lots of different weights with italics for each, “Felis Script” and “Jellysugar” have a variety of cool alternates and ritzy options, and “Manhattan Darling” comes with two Adobe Illustrator documents filled with vector ornaments and a grunge background. In case you’re interested, a lot of the fonts I share with you here include unexpected extras. I’ve got so much of this great shit right now I think my iMac might explode. Convenient download links appear after the graphic.

I’m pleased as hell to announce a new senior citizen recipe tonight, one that I invented with Sam’s help because I can’t cook for myself any more but still get hopeless cravings and have to come up with creative ways to satisfy them that don’t put too much strain on my husband’s kitchen skills. Tonight’s feast: MENTALLY ILL SENIOR CITIZEN SPAGHETTI WITH GIGANTIC FLAT MEATBALLS. The ingredients include: 1) a double batch of cooked ramen noodles swiped from Nongshim Chicken Noodle Bowls with the flavor packets thrown out; 2) a nice dollop of Bella Vita low-carb pasta sauce (or any pasta sauce); 3) two nuked pre-grilled Angus burger patties from Costco; and 4) Wal-Mart store brand parmesan cheese.
The directions are a no-brainer. Nuke the ramen noodles, nuke the burgers, and layer everything on a plate with the pasta sauce and parmesan cheese. You can probably throw together the whole meal in less than 10 minutes and it’s surprisingly not too bad at all. (If you haven’t had Italian food in a long time this could actually pass for FANTASTIC.) Bon appétit, y’all.

Sam is in the kitchen throwing out all kinds of antique food from the pantry — did you know canned tomatoes have an expiration date? I didn’t! — even though I’m positive we already purged our out-of-date food last year when I promised to stop buying everything by the case from Amazon and learned that just because an elderly woman has a taste for corned beef hash doesn’t mean she needs 12 cans of it. (Sam just threw out 11.)

Tomorrow is Costco day. I LOVE COSTCO DAY!

Shalom and have a nice life.

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