More fonts, two dead celebrities and a lot of sugar-free gherkins from Wal-Mart.

Welcome to Thursday night at Howdygram headquarters! So far today I’ve taken a nap, argued with an Einstein at Top Mobility, consumed two meals, downloaded another king’s ransom in free fonts, received two FedEx deliveries from Wal-Mart — sugar-free sweet gherkins and very nice clear plastic forks, pictured below — and came dangerously close to pishing in the hall due to another urinary tract infection, which I definitely DO NOT NEED.

It’s 7 p.m. and I have a couple of hours to murder before Sam gets home from work, and spending them with you here in the study feels like the right thing to do tonight. At 8 p.m. I also might watch the GOP goon squad debate. This one is sponsored by Fox Business and everybody can watch online at FoxBusiness.com. I could also tune in from my favorite chair in the family room but there’s no fucking way I could ever stomach Donald Trump or Ted Cruz on a 60-inch high-definition TV with surround sound.

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I’ve got a video clip to share with you. It’s Donald Trump, the orangutan carnival barker in all of his hateful, miserable “glory,” screaming insults at a sound technician during a rally in Pensacola, Florida. Basically, he’s threatening to screw the poor guy out of a day’s pay for a technical failure as the crowd behind him laughs hysterically. Apparently it’s funny as hell to be insulted and humiliated ... as long as it isn’t YOU. Thanks, Donald, for another crystal clear view of your shitstained soul.

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And now ... MORE FREE FONTS! If you’re getting sick of this frequent Howdygram feature I’m afraid there’s not too much I can do about it, because the Howdygram is mine — not yours — and I collect fonts. Get over it, okay? In the meantime, here’s my latest haul ... all of them from BeFonts.com. Most of the script fonts come with lots of ritzy alternate letters and curlicue things, and “Bladi Two” includes 24 different styles. No shit! Download links appear below the graphic so you can add these to your own collection. Please do this, okay? (You can thank me later.)

Sunday • Roselina Script • Dimensions • Sweet Peony • Alisandra • Yacqui

La Veronique • Suzee • Bladi Two • Aliva • Longhorn • Despeinada

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Joe Biden better hurry up with that cure, because two more rich celebrities are dead tonight from cancer. First we have Alan Rickman, 69, the veteran British film actor who played a villainous person in the Harry Potter movies — Snidely Whiplash? Severus Snape? — none of which I’ve ever seen. He was also in the original Die Hard movie. So there’s that, at least.

Also dead tonight from cancer is René Angélil, 73, Céline Dion’s manager and husband. The two were married in an outrageous sequined wedding ceremony in 1994 when Céline was 19. Réne had been in love with her since he started managing her career when she was 12. He was 38 and clearly a pedophile. Céline’s parents had a cow.

Réne died peacefully at their home in Las Vegas, surrounded by his wife and children and a couple of slot machines.

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Holy shit. I tuned in a few minutes late to the GOP debate on FoxBusiness.com, and Donald Trump and Ted Cruz were already screaming at each other about Cruz not being an American citizen. I love this shit and I hope they fucking kill each other on national television. But there’s definitely one thing I’m goddamn sick of: Donald Trump referring to our military as a “horror show,” Obamacare as a “disaster” and our President as a “weakling and a loser.” What fucking gall. Jesus H. Christ.

Thank you for reading this, okay? I have such a headache ...