I have to learn how to write when I feel like shit. No kidding, people ... I need MOTIVATION. Right now I’ve got burning skin and three leaking pressure sores on the back of my thighs, joint pain in my knees, plantar fasciitis pain in my left heel, a stiff neck, a headache and gas. Although I feel way too crabby to write something funny for the Howdygram, this is really the only distraction I’ve got right now because Sam isn’t here to entertain me. I guess I’ll just plow ahead and hope for the best, okay?
I’ll begin tonight’s post with a celebrity obituary for Abe Vigoda, the droopy character actor best known as the doomed mafia kingpin Tessio in
The Godfather (1972) and constipated cop Phil Fish in the hit 1970s TV comedy “Barney Miller.”
Vigoda’s death today at age 94 brought to an end three decades of questions about whether or not he was still alive, triggered 30 years ago by a rumor that he’d kicked the bucket. Though Vigoda took it in stride, the issue became a running joke and there was even a website devoted to answering the much-Googled question, “Is Abe Vigoda dead?” Today it was updated with “Yes.”
Abe Vigoda looked like a pruny old man from childhood and really never changed except he got taller. The baby picture above right proves my point.
And now ... here are a few more FREE FONTS for you and your loved ones! I’m excited about all of these, but especially “Foreplay” and “Stormtrooper,” the latter of which includes three different styles. (So does “Mirabella.”)
Download links are provided below the graphic so you can expand your personal collection or email a thoughtful gift to deserving friends.
After pouring three painstaking years into a covert video smear campaign to destroy Planned Parenthood, a Houston grand jury has handed down its first felony indictments ... AGAINST THE ANTI-ABORTION ACTIVISTS! David Daleiden and Sandra Merritt of the Center for Medical Progress will turn themselves in to the Harris County Sheriff’s Office on Wednesday to post bail. They are both assholes of the first degree, as their bullshit video about Planned Parenthood selling body parts of aborted fetuses resulted in terrorist activities against Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide and a number of deaths.
The Harris County investigation into Planned Parenthood was launched at the insistence of Texas’ right-wing lieutenant governor, Dan Patrick, back in August after the release of a video filmed at the Houston affiliate. In the Monday press release, Harris County District Attorney Devon Anderson — a Republican who was appointed by then-Governor Rick Perry in 2013 — said her office would go “where the evidence leads us.”
No shit. I guess she wasn’t kidding!
“All the evidence uncovered in the course of this investigation was presented to the grand jury. I respect the grand jury’s decision on this difficult case,” she said in Monday’s press release. Daleiden and Merritt were indicted for falsifying government documents and illegally purchasing human organs.
Josh Schaffer, a Houston attorney representing Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast, said it was undisputed months ago that Planned Parenthood had engaged in no criminal activity and “the grand jury never considered an indictment against Planned Parenthood or its employees.” If you turn up the volume you’ll hear Republican heads exploding.
Yee-haw!
Thank you for reading this.
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