Saturday, November 21, 2015

Fuck shoes and fuck brassieres.

Y’all will be pleased to know I’m feeling greatly improved today, which is very good news (for me, at least) and an encouraging sign as we head into another lovely north Texas autumn weekend ... even though I never leave the house, which would involve wearing shoes and a brassiere. FUCK SHOES AND FUCK BRASSIERES. Thank you.

Senator, moron and 2016 clown car passenger Turd Cruz (R-TX) wants us to know that fighting off “hostile” CNBC debate questions qualifies him to be President of the United States, and he pointed to his recent brouhaha to prove how he can unite Americans. Cruz pretty much had a cow during the debate, whining afterwards that “real journalists” like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity should moderate every GOP debates in the future because FAIRNESS. And because that’s the only way Republicans can survive inside their bubble, right?

Even so, when Cruz was asked last week how he’d “bring unity to a divided nation,” here’s what he said: “How do you bring unity? You know, we saw a moment of unity last week in the debate when I called out the debate moderators. One of the great results that happened was you saw all the Republicans on stage come together and be united, standing behind that charge of the ridiculous bias, the dripping condescension, the assumption in each of those media questions that anyone who actually believes in the conservative principles that America was built on is somehow a blithering idiot. That unity was encouraging.”

Seriously, you have to love the stupidity of this. A handful of right-wing nut jobs next to him on a stage agree with one remark and Cruz considers that a shining example of his ability to unify a divided America. A country that he helped to divide in the first place!
Then Cruz pushed ahead with his toughest-asshole-in-the-schoolyard act after President Obama criticized him earlier this week — during a press conference at the G-20 summit in Antalya, Turkey — when Cruz suggested that only Christian Syrian refugees should be allowed to resettle in the United States. “Mr. President, if you want to insult me, you can do it overseas, you can do it in Turkey, you can do it in foreign countries, but I would encourage you to come back and insult me to my face,” Cruz said. “Let’s have a debate on Syrian refugees right now. We can do it anywhere you want. I’d prefer it in the United States and not overseas where you’re making the insults. It’s easy to toss a cheap insult when no one can respond, but let’s have a debate.”

And then Teddie shook his angwy wittle fists, as pictured above, and shit his pants for a couple of Fox news reporters.

Patriots? What a load of bullshit. No way.

It’s that time again, people ... it’s Howdygram headquarters’ once-a-month do-it-yourself Clots “R” Us blood clot clinic! BRING THE KIDS! FREE PARKING! BALLOONS!

Actually, I’m a heart patient taking Coumadin — a blood thinner — to prevent dropping dead from a stroke, and once a month I need a blood test to monitor my clotting time and keep it within a safe range. Because I also have a lot of mobility problems and it’s not easy for me to stuff my shitty knees into a car, drive 90 seconds to the lab at Baylor Family Health Center and then watch Sam wrestle my oversized wheelchair out of the trunk, earlier this year I invested in a CoaguChek XS meter kit (the same meter they use at my doctor’s office) so I can test at home. And having just performed the required test, today’s clotting result was 2.5. Perfect, again.
If you’d like to help me celebrate my November test result please send cash, money orders, sugar-free cookies or a nice gift valued at $25 or more. Please click here to request shipping instructions.

I really wanted to like this product. I’m a big fan of anything Asian and anything instant, and Annie Chun’s Hot & Sour Soup Bowl met my criteria for a fast and easy entree for handicapped senior citizens like me who can’t stand up to cook but still need to eat on a regular basis. In my case, I have an electric tea kettle on my desk and frequently (as in once or twice a day) rehydrate and consume a meal here in the study while I write a Howdygram post. Too bad I have to cross this hot & sour shit off my list of possibilities. The broth tasted like crankcase oil (that’s a compliment) and the contents of the included vegetable packet were rock-hard wads of plastic that never fully rehydrated. All of it was inedible and I can’t remember when I hated a soup this much in my entire life. And I eat damn near ANYTHING. Annie Chun’s Hot & Sour Soup Bowl gets a one-chopper rating. (I’m being generous. It sucked.)
Thank you for reading this!

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