Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I’m fed up and finished with the entire herd of raging assholes in the 2016 Republican clown car.

Yo, everybody. I want to begin this post with some SHOCKING SUMMER WEATHER NEWS from hot and steamy Texas. Check out the following four-day forecast and you’ll see we’re expecting a COLD SNAP and STORMS on Friday with frigid two-digit temperatures and the first rain we’ve had since a May/June deluge that left most of the Lone Star State underwater.
Incidentally, if there really is an El Niño going on this year I hope it gets here SOON so we can stop watering our goddamn lawn for a few months. Thank you.

Fruit lovers rejoice! The delusional marketing wizards at Foody Direct are pleased to offer MARTHA STEWART’S FAVORITE OVERPRICED SNOOTY CHERRIES direct-shipped from sunny California because we all know you can’t find a product like this — i.e., ordinary fresh fruit — in local supermarkets anywhere else in the United States in the middle of summer. They’re on sale right now at $49 for three stinking pounds with bargain shipping for an additional $39.95. That’s right, folks ... three stupid pounds of cherries for a grand total of $89.90. I sincerely hope you don’t think this is a good idea.

If you’re wondering why there’s been a recent shortage of political rants in the Howdygram let’s just blame it on BURNOUT. No kidding, people, I’m fed up and finished with the entire herd of raging assholes in the 2016 Republican clown car ... and the election is still 17 months away. Here are a few quotes worth remembering from three of the smarmiest and most repulsive clowns. (My response is in italics.)

DONALD TRUMP. “Some of the candidates didn’t know the air conditioner didn’t work and they sweated like dogs. How are they going to beat ISIS?” Trump tries to translate air conditioning expertise into a Mideast strategy.

MIKE “UNCLE CORNPONE” HUCKABEE. “If someone with ebola wants to come to the U.S., just get to Mexico and walk right in.” What a moran.

TURD CRUZ. “I intend to speak in opposition to Obamacare. I intend to support defunding Obamacare until I am no longer able to stand.” Are you making this your life’s work, Senator? Go back to Alberta.

One final item before I call it a day and retreat to my chaise in the family room: MY MOTHER DIED THIS MORNING. Shirley was 92 and had been living in a nursing home in suburban Chicago. I’m unable to fly home for the funeral on Thursday or shiva afterwards due to being a handicapped old lady with mobility issues who doesn’t travel any more, which is a sad fact of life that I can’t change. My sister is handling all the arrangements. I thought I’d include this photo from 1958 as a remembrance.
Thank you for reading this.

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