Thursday, July 16, 2015

George H.W. Bush’s retirement hobbies include breathing, sitting and collecting socks.

Good morning, people. It’s hot as hell here in Texas and completely typical for July. At this time of year I’m perfectly content to be a housebound senior citizen with mobility issues because nobody wants to go outside, anyway, due to the following two-week forecast. Unfortunately, it fails to show the humidity (about 55%, like a fucking swamp) and the heat index (unbearable). Plus there’s no rain in the forecast whatsoever.

I’ve got TWO HUGE NEWS STORIES to share with y’all today! First, here’s a never-before seen picture of Pluto, as glimpsed by the New Horizons spacecraft:
And second, former president George H.W. Bush, 91, fell down at home yesterday while attempting to lift a large bag of money and broke his neck. I can’t believe this will affect his lifestyle to any significant degree since he’s already confined to a wheelchair. His retirement hobbies include breathing, sitting and collecting socks.

I’ve got another brilliant new recipe for senior citizens from the Howdygram test kitchens! This time it’s SPEEDY LOW-CARB PASTA PUDDING FOR OLD PEOPLE WITH CINNAMON AND DIABETES, a tasty, easy little dessert that you don’t have to share. It’s a rice pudding knockoff made with Ciao Carb pasta rice!
So here’s what you do. Scoop one cup of cooked (and chilled) pasta rice into a nice bowl, dump in four little containers of Jell-O sugar-free vanilla pudding and moosh it all together. Sprinkle the top with ground cinnamon. That’s it!
FYI, about once a week Sam cooks up a double batch of pasta rice and we store it in the fridge in an air-tight plastic container. Just simmer two bags in eight cups of water with a dash of salt for about 25 minutes until all the water is absorbed. This shit is fabulous and versatile. We eat it every day.

Sam is at Wal-Mart as I write this post, picking up my prescription for Gabapentin and a few other essential whatnots, and I’m holding down the fort here at Howdygram headquarters while I wait for Brad from Re-Bath to install our new vanity top and cement a slab of Venetian stone to the side of our garden tub in the master bathroom. Brad is supposed to be here around 10 a.m. and I’m exceptionally excited.

I have to eat something now. Thank you for reading this.

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