But wait ... there’s more! After a sleepless night — I sat up at my computer designing three dozen new drink coasters for The Howdygram Store — I finally shlepped myself to the chaise for a nap around 9 o’clock this morning, limping like the hunchback of Notre Dame from severe neuropathy pain in my left foot (specifically the arch and three toes). Shortly after I got settled on the chaise, Sam showed up with a flashlight to do a routine foot inspection (I’m diabetic; foot inspections can be life-saving) and found a very large exploded blood blister on the bottom of my left heel surrounded by frightening chunks of peeling dead skin. I’m not agile enough to examine the bottom of my own feet any more so Sam took pictures with his iPhone and showed them to me, at which time we immediately descended into Full Panic Mode. I swear to God, it looked like a gunshot wound!
Panic wasn’t really necessary, though. When I woke up from my nap a few hours later we re-examined my left foot and determined that the blister wasn’t open or infected, it was actually already healed up. So I celebrated with a rotisserie chicken from Wal-Mart and sugar-free pudding.
ALLYSON • RIGHT HAND LUKE • MISS COUTURE • THE SECTIONE BRIGHT • SURPRISE • FLAT SANS
PINTANINA PRO • LAUREN • SYBILLA PRO
PINTANINA PRO • LAUREN • SYBILLA PRO
- When did AIR RIFLES become an Olympic sport? Air rifles are a fucking toy! For variety, at the 2020 Olympics maybe the IOC should consider cap pistols for men and slingshots with Barbie shoes for women.
- Why is BEACH VOLLEYBALL still a thing ... aside from the fact that it’s chicks in bikinis jumping all over each other in a sand pit? If they made this a men’s sport with everybody wearing shorts and knee socks nobody would give a shit.
- Will MICHAEL PHELPS ever find a legitimate job to support his wife and son or does he plan to swim until his nipples fall off? This is Michael’s fifth Olympics and he’s 30 years old. Too bad he’s such a dumb doofus; he could’ve launched a public speaking career years ago.
- Ever really listen to the commentators during the women’s gymnastics competition? The worst of the bunch is NASTIA LIUKIN, the self-absorbed twit from north Texas who won the all-around gymnastics gold at the Beijing Olympics in 2008. She has a high-pitched screechy voice but NBC apparently thinks she’s an Einstein for spouting stupid shit like: “You are the only you, and you’re special,” “Like at home I don’t wear heels, but everywhere else I go I wear heels” and — this one’s the best — “Jump off the beam, flip off the bars, follow your dreams and reach for the stars.”
Before I head back into the family room for some sleep I thought I’d show you what I’ve been working on for The Howdygram Store ... CLASSY DRINK COASTERS FOR YOUR CLASSY, SLOPPY GUESTS! I’m still uploading my 36 new designs to Zazzle; later on this week I’ll do playing cards and bottle openers to match.
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