However it’s slightly cloudy in case that counts for something.
The forecast has now been revised somewhat with occasionally-severe storms and a shitload of rain expected to begin at midnight tonight and continue off and on for two solid days. I’ll believe it when I see it, cupcake, and the useless staff of Weather.com can go jump in a hole somewhere.
The new charges carry a prison sentence of up to 60 years and will be added to the 38 years Peterson is already serving for the 2004 murder of Kathleen Savio, his third wife. In case you’re interested, the hit man was the relative of a fellow inmate. Which brings us to a valuable life lesson: NEVER TRUST THE INMATES, YOU MORON!
Then we started with “free updates” — Charlie’s latest effort to not make any money — consisting of more free images in all four colors every month for 12 months. Except Charlie not only isn’t charging money for anything, he also doesn’t own a fucking calendar. I received six updates from him in May alone, each averaging 20 to 40 images in yellow gold, copper, rose gold and blonde gold. The average size of each image is about 10 MB. At this rate I’ll need a new iMac (and a new hard drive) by Thanksgiving. A sample from yesterday’s free update appears below.
The Howdygram is grieved to announce the death of Jan Crouch, 78, the terrifying Jesus-lovin’ Barbie doll who founded the Trinity Broadcasting Network in 1973 with her late husband, Paul. They appeared together for decades on the “Praise the Lord” TV program, where Paul vomited his prosperity gospel and Jan flitted around the stage loaded down with diamonds, a pink cotton candy wig and five-ton eyelashes. Because this is what a rich Christian woman is supposed to look like, people! Millions bought into their bullshit and made the Crouch family unbelievably wealthy, with a private jet, 30 homes in California, Texas, Tennessee and Ohio, and a pair of matching mansions in a gated Newport Beach community. Matching mansions?! Praise Jee-zus!
AMAZON: Hi. How can I help you today?
MARCY: Why is it taking three days to get my Prime order? Prime is supposed to guarantee two-day delivery.
AMAZON: Our delivery estimates are based on item availability and selected delivery speed. The most up-to-date delivery estimate will display during checkout. If an item isn’t readily available, shipping selections may reduce shipping transit time but won’t impact how long it takes us to obtain the item or prepare it for shipment.
MARCY: I have no idea what you just said.
AMAZON: I’m sorry for misunderstanding me. Let me clear you, it will be ship in 4–5 hours, once the order ships out a carrier is assigned to the order, once the carrier is assigned I will personally contact the carrier and ask them to delivery the package as soon as possible, as the carrier takes two days to deliver the package to destination. However I will request them to deliver it first with high priority. I hope you are now understanding me.
MARCY: Sorry, but I’m NOT understanding this. The point is ... as a Prime member I’m supposed to receive my orders in two days. This one is taking THREE days. Can you please upgrade my shipping speed so I receive the order on Friday and not on Saturday?
AMAZON: I’d be happy to do that however as the order has already entered in to advance shipment process we cannot upgrade the shipping speed, please do not worry I will keep an eye on it once the order ships I will contact the carrier and you will receive the item on Friday. Is that okay?
MARCY: Yes. Thank you. Bye.
MARCY: Why is it taking three days to get my Prime order? Prime is supposed to guarantee two-day delivery.
AMAZON: Our delivery estimates are based on item availability and selected delivery speed. The most up-to-date delivery estimate will display during checkout. If an item isn’t readily available, shipping selections may reduce shipping transit time but won’t impact how long it takes us to obtain the item or prepare it for shipment.
MARCY: I have no idea what you just said.
AMAZON: I’m sorry for misunderstanding me. Let me clear you, it will be ship in 4–5 hours, once the order ships out a carrier is assigned to the order, once the carrier is assigned I will personally contact the carrier and ask them to delivery the package as soon as possible, as the carrier takes two days to deliver the package to destination. However I will request them to deliver it first with high priority. I hope you are now understanding me.
MARCY: Sorry, but I’m NOT understanding this. The point is ... as a Prime member I’m supposed to receive my orders in two days. This one is taking THREE days. Can you please upgrade my shipping speed so I receive the order on Friday and not on Saturday?
AMAZON: I’d be happy to do that however as the order has already entered in to advance shipment process we cannot upgrade the shipping speed, please do not worry I will keep an eye on it once the order ships I will contact the carrier and you will receive the item on Friday. Is that okay?
MARCY: Yes. Thank you. Bye.
I’m completely convinced that I accomplished absolutely nothing and there’s no way my order will arrive on Friday. Please drop me an email if you’d like to take odds on this.
Thanks for stopping by tonight. I have to take a shower now and swallow a bunch of pills.
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