Thursday, June 1, 2017

Sam is visiting his brother David, David’s adorable family and their adorable dog Buddy.

I thought it might be fun to welcome the first day of June with a nice Howdygram post. It’s not that I have a lot of big news or anything, but I feel like writing something … at 12:50 a.m. (Oy.)

I’ve had some problems this week, mostly revolving around several Senior Citizen Exploding Bladder Incidents and what the fuck am I supposed to do about this. I saw Dr. M on Tuesday and she actually wants me to start taking an even stronger diuretic (Lasix) that I was getting intravenously during my hospitalization in April … when I lost 100 pounds of water weight in six days but didn’t have to deal with pishing because I was bedridden and catheterized. Taking Lasix at home, however, poses a huge problem. With my mobility difficulties it’s fucking IMPOSSIBLE to gallop back and forth to the bathroom every 90 minutes, and with diabetic neuropathy my brain doesn’t receive any advance signals that I have to pee so it’s always an emergency every time I stand up. I hate this! So effective immediately I refuse to take Lasix. I took one tablet yesterday morning with breakfast and it’s been a nightmare ever since. I’M DONE.

There’s a lot going on at Howdygram headquarters these days. We’ve apparently started to experience a flurry of unexpected household disasters, which I’ll explain for you now in neatly subtitled paragraphs. (You’re welcome.)

A BUSTED ICEMAKER. We’re having “issues” with our GE Profile side-by-side refrigerator. More specifically, the icemaker is still making ice but doesn’t push the cubes into the chute on the door any more. Sam actually has to reach inside the bin in the freezer and touch actual ice cubes with his hands! When I tried to get a price for replacing the icemaker I found out it’s not a recommended repair for refrigerators that are 13 years old or more … and ours is 13 years old. Therefore Sam will continue to fondle ice cubes until it’s time to replace the entire refrigerator. Sad!

A PARTIALLY BUSTED DISHWASHER. The actually mechanical dishwashing functions are working well … it’s the NON-mechanical shit that’s starting to fall apart, such as the wheels on the lower dish rack and other assorted whatnots. Yes, our dishwasher is 13 years old, too. All of our appliances came with our house when it was built in 2004.

A SOON-TO-BE-BUSTED GARBAGE DISPOSER. We’re functioning with a semi-busted 13-year-old garbage disposer as well. One of the blades broke off a few months ago but Sam says the disposer is still grinding garbage successfully with just one blade, which seems to be an acceptable situation for the time being if you don’t try to stuff it full of watermelon rinds. When the other blade breaks, however, we’ll obviously have to buy a new disposer because a garbage disposer with no blades is really STUPID.

A BLECCHY CHIMNEY. Sam tells me that the wood trim around our chimney looks lousy so he’s been contacting various repairs dudes for a price quote … even though he’s hysterically suspicious of quotes from potentially dishonest roofers who recommend expensive repairs that you can’t see for yourself and probably don’t need, anyway. I haven’t heard anything further from Sam about this so please remind me to ask him when he gets home from Scottsdale, okay?

A DYING TREE IN THE FRONT YARD. In a scene ripped from the pages of National Geographic, our Texas ash in the front yard is seriously infested with aphids, worms and ladybugs. Sam has been trying to hire an arborist to spray the necessary chemicals, but if this gets too expensive — and with no guaranteed results — we might end up removing the tree altogether. I hope we don’t have to do this because I like our tree. We planted it shortly after our first tree died in The Great Texas Drought of 2009. (North Texas lost more than 10% of it mature trees that year. We had four months with no rain and triple-digit temperatures.)

Today’s FREE FONTS are a small but select group. My favorites are “Just Hello” with its gorgeous decorative swashy things and “Recolter” because it’s so unique. “Old Logger” is cool, too, and comes with some interesting shadows and special effects. I’ll throw in all the download links after the graphic. FYI, “Spring Market” and “Summer Market” are both in the same download file.

Here’s some nice free shit courtesy of Creative Market’s and their popular Monday giveaway! This time I snagged a decent collection of seamless animal patterns in EPS and JPG formats and some cute smiley cartoon animals in EPS and PNG formats. Let me know via email if you want either of these collections and I’ll be glad to send them to you, okay?

It’s already after 3 a.m. and I think I should go to bed now even though I’m home alone for a couple of days and could pull an all-nighter if I wanted to! Sam is currently in Scottsdale visiting his brother David, David’s adorable family and their adorable dog Buddy.

Thank you for reading this.

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