Pay no attention to the blogger behind the curtain.

Seriously … remember the bombshell announcement in my last post about the demise of iFonts.xyz, the best free fonts website on earth that gave away other people’s valuable and expensive creative property? Well lo and behold, wow, forsooth and holy shit ... THEIR WEBSITE CAME BACK ONLINE TODAY and it was packed with so many new free fonts I almost had a brain hemorrhage! Therefore I’ll begin this post with my favorite section.

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This is a nice little gang of FREE FONTS, isn’t it? We’ve got a several clever display fonts (my favorite is “Glotona Dots”) and some outstanding scripts, such as “Orris Root” and “Bestari Duo,” all of which include lots of alternate characters and swashy things. I almost included the Masterpiece Scripts font bundle but decided to curate the collection at the last minute due to most of these scripts were either strange or stupid. Download links for the fonts illustrated below will appear after the graphic. Enjoy. Live and be well.

Paxton Print • Timeout Duo • Glotona Dots • Bestari Duo
Urban Tribe • Yeahsayer • Orris Root

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In other non-news I’d like to recommend Green Giant’s Veggie Tots in case you’ve never tried them. They’re a healthy-veggie version of Tater Tots, and I think they’re DELICIOUS! Sam bought me a sack of cauliflower Veggie Tots a couple of weeks ago and I finally had a chance to try them yesterday for lunch. Hoo-boy! You won’t want to dunk these munchkins in ketchup, but they’re terrific sprinkled with a little salt straight from the oven. Green Giant also makes a broccoli and cheese option that’s next on my list.

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In honor of today’s intensely popular dad-centric holiday I’ve penned the following original Father’s Day song that’s sung to the strain of “Happy Birthday.” Here goes! (Please hold your applause until the end, okay?)

Happy Father’s Day to you,

Happy Father’s Day to you,

Happy Father’s Day dear daddies,

Happy Father’s Day to you.

This artisitic Father’s Day graphic was created by yours truly.

Just for the record, Sam lost his father in 2009 and mine passed away 15 years ago — both on dates that were close to Father’s Day — so we light one yahrzeit candle to remember them both every year at sundown on Father’s Day because we don’t get convenient reminders from their funeral homes any more and have no idea how to follow the Hebrew calendar. So we picked Father’s Day. If this annoys you, please keep it to yourself. Shalom.

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I would like to offer a review of my new Portable Bariatric Commode for Housebound Senior Citizens with Exploding Bladders, which arrived on Friday from Wal-Mart. No kidding, people, this has to be the most incredible product on earth and gets me one step closer to achieving my retirement dream: A TOILET IN EVERY ROOM!

My new commode is comfortable, adjustable, convenient, quiet, sturdy and attractive enough for the family room. As a matter of fact, I love it so much that Sam gave me a thumbs-up to order a second one for the study so I won’t have to panic if my bladder goes kablooey in the middle of the night when I’m writing the Howdygram. The second commode should be here by Tuesday, at which time I’ll be able to start taking Lasix again ... a powerful diuretic that makes an uncontrollable bladder even worse.

The Portable Bariatric Commode for Housebound Senior Citizens with Exploding Bladders would be an excellent Hanukkah present for yourself or a loved one, so here’s the link in case you want to order early and figure out how in hell to gift wrap this thing.

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I’m ready to head into the family room with Sam for a couple of movies and maybe a bowl of sugar-free Jell-O. Happy Father’s Day and thank you for reading this!