Thursday, August 11, 2016

Whatever happened to gigantic Germans throwing javelins?

I know you’ll forgive me for taking a four-day break from Howdygrammin’ due to all of the following sincerely valid and honest excuses. Open yourself a nice cold can of diet ginger ale and get comfortable, okay?

ONE THING AT A TIME, PEOPLE. I couldn’t write Howdygram posts because I’ve been designing dozens and dozens (literally) of wonderful new matching products — drink coasters, decks of playing cards and bottle openers — for The Howdygram Store’s “Party Night” category. Even though this is a shitload of very big fun, it’s just not possible to switch back and forth between the Howdygram and monogrammed bottle openers. Trust me. It took two whole days (and nights) to develop 36 coaster designs, upload them to my Zazzle store, write product descriptions and assign searchable keywords. Now I’m resizing the artwork for playing cards and bottle openers in case somebody wants everything to coordinate. After I resume writing Howdygram posts for a few days I’ll get back to my store. Maybe over the weekend. It’s a full life, isn’t it?
I think you should consider these products for hostess gifts, stocking stuffers, grab-bags and clever housewarming presents. Thank you.

WE HAD COMPANY TUESDAY NIGHT. Real live company! A couple of nice neighbors and a “mobile” notary public dropped in at 7 p.m. to witness us signing revisions to our wills. I certainly couldn’t write a Howdygram post with so much important commotion going on, and as soon as everybody left Sam and I had shrimp for dinner and watched the Olympics. And as long as I’m on the subject, aren’t there any other events going on in Rio besides that god-awful beach volleyball, women’s gymnastics and Michael Phelps winning another fucking medal? That’s about the only coverage that’s available in prime time on NBC! Whatever happened to gigantic Germans throwing javelins? AND WHAT ABOUT DRESSAGE?! (Check out the dressage video posted below. This is definitely an Olympic sport worth watching.)

THE MAID WAS HERE ON WEDNESDAY AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP. I had quite a busy day on Wednesday! I was hoping to start writing Howdygram posts again except I didn’t wake up until noon, the maid got here at 12:45, and at 3:30 I relocated to the chaise in the family room, at which time I slept until Sam got home from work at 6:45 with a rotisserie chicken. (He stopped at Wal-Mart for the chicken.) And then, just like Tuesday night, we ate dinner, watched the Olympics and passed out.

And that, dear friends, brings us right up to the minute. It’s 2:45 Thursday morning!

These are some AWESOME FREE FONTS, guys! Awesome! I especially love “Rolande,” “Laika Come Home,” “Chamberline Stroke” and those two amazing layered thingies at the end of the list ... “Brazilian Script” and “Simplisicky.” Oy, I can’t wait to use them! Download links appear below the graphic so you can grab some of these for yourself.

FYI, the last four fonts here — “Australian Script,” “Kidtype,” “Brazilian Script” and “Simplisicky” — are part of a larger font bundle. (You may love the other fonts that I didn’t include.) 

But wait ... there’s more! Two days ago I splurged on the August Big Bundle from Creative Market (only $39 for $1,394 worth of excellent goodies), which included another herd of fonts. The ones I liked best — and installed on my iMac — appear below. My favorites are “Serif Hand,” “Storybook,” “Lettres Douces” and “New Blings.” If you want any of these please send an email to yours truly and request them by name. Thank you.

Also included in that August Big Bundle were lots of high-resolution digital images and backgrounds (samples appear below), such as lots of lovely patterns on transparent backgrounds and watercolor kitty cats.
There were also multitudes of hand-painted flowers, classy bouquets and floral wreaths. Some of these files are so goddamn huge they almost crashed my iMac when I opened them. Who the hell needs a 300 dpi drawing that’s 47 inches square? Do they think I’m designing BESPREADS?!
And finally, the Big Bundle included some interesting grungy whatnots, too, and lots of floral patterns on transparent backgrounds.

It’s awfully late now (after 4 a.m.) and I should probably get some sleep even though I wanted to make some comments about Donald Trump. Next time. I promise.

Thank you for reading this.

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