Thursday, May 5, 2016

The top cinco reasons why I love mayo.

Happy Cinco de Mayo and a swell Thursday to you and yours from the gringos at Howdygram headquarters. This means it’s time once again to honor Mexico’s annual celebration of my favorite tasty condiment and share with my audience the top cinco reasons why I personally love it so damn much.

Mayo is ... 1) the number one most important ingredient for a DIY Whopper, not counting an actual piece of grilled meat; 2) the tastiest dressing ever for potato salad after you thin it out with a little juice from a jar of green olives; 3) the best part of a BLT sandwich especially if you don’t have any bacon; 4) essential for Marcy’s Speedy Chicken Moosh when you mix it with Costco’s canned chicken; and 5) always better than Miracle Whip, period.
Obviously I don’t sprechen sie Spanish and I’m just horsing around here. There is no offense intended to anybody whatsoever, okay?

With the Republican national convention brouhaha still a couple of months away (it’s in July, right?) there’s still an ample amount of time to take down Donald Trump with as much shit as we possibly can. Already today he won the ringing endorsement of that fine, upstanding U.S. American white guy, David Duke (below, inset) — full-time moron and former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan — who said: “If we don’t depose the Jews, there is no hope for our people. It’s our job to give Trump the space to do it eventually.”
What the fuck ... DEPOSE THE JEWS?! Doesn’t this asshole realize that Donald’s daughter Ivanka (you know, the hot one) is MARRIED to a Jew ... and she converted to Judaism? Or is it possible that neither of them even cares?

Believe it or not, this is why I haven’t been able to throw my support behind Bernie Sanders. I’m terrified of all the anti-Semitic hatred that will crawl out of the woodwork if he wins the Democratic nomination. Donald Trump’s supporters are some of the most disgusting people on the planet, and I think I’d have a brain hemorrhage after suffering through eight years of anti-Obama bullshit. I’m 100% pro-Hillary. Thank you.

I haven’t had a very good day. My pain meds haven’t been working as well as I need them to, and now I’ve got a new complaint to add to my regular kvetch report. There’s a sore spot on my back that rubs against my robe when I’m trying to rest on the chaise in the family room. Trust me, this damn thing hurts like hell. With enough twisting and turning I eventually find a way to get comfortable, but tomorrow I might have to ask Sam to bandage this goddamn thing and use an antibiotic ointment because we have tons of hospital-quality supplies on hand and he’s a fabulous “nursie.”
For what it’s worth, I think the sore spot won’t be an issue any more after we get our new chaise next Wednesday from Macy’s. At least that’s what I’m hoping. The old chair has been sinking in and it really doesn’t take much to irritate my hyper-sensitive skin. I’m a fucking mess with rampant diabetic neuropathy. (The only thing that makes me truly happy is Chinese food. Also sugar-free fried pies from Fuel City.)

Thank you for reading this.

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