Thursday, March 17, 2016

Warmest St. Patrick’s Day wishes to you and yours from Mazel Tov the Jewish leprechaun.

I’m starting my Howdygram post earlier than usual today due to having a long list of really stupid things to write about. I realize that’s not a very well-constructed sentence but you’ll just have to deal with it. Thank you, and warmest St. Patrick’s Day wishes to you and yours from Mazel Tov the Jewish leprechaun. Please pass the shamrocks.

Today the Howdygram is mourning the loss of Frank Sinatra, Jr., 72, the unsuccessful son of a legend who died unexpectedly yesterday from cardiac arrest. (Technically that’s a really lame “cause of death.” Everybody dies from cardiac arrest.) Sinatra died at a hospital in Daytona Beach, Florida, while working his way around the country on a “Sinatra Sings Sinatra” tour.
“My lack of success does not trouble me at this stage in my life,” Sinatra told The Guardian four years ago. “When I came along in the early 1960s the type of music that was in vogue had moved on. I was trying to sell antiques in a modern appliance store.”

Poor Junior just didn’t get it. He spent his whole life trying to imitate his father ... even while Frank Senior was very much alive and still performing to sell-out crowds. Why would anybody pay money to see a second rate singer? Maybe he should have been an optometrist or opened a shoe store. Oy.

Yesterday Bumble Bee Foods announced a voluntary recall of 31,579 cases of their repulsive canned Chunk Light Tuna due to “process deviations” — what the fuck? — that occurred in a co-pack facility not owned or operated by Bumble Bee. These aforementioned deviations could result in “contamination by spoilage organisms or pathogens, which could lead to life-threatening illness if consumed.” In other words, if you eat this shit YOU’LL DIE.
The cans of poisoned tuna were produced in February 2016 with the following UPC codes: 8660000020, 8660000021 and 8660000736. Please throw them away. DO NOT FEED THEM TO THE CAT.

For more information you can check out the FDA’s website or call 888-820-1947.

Former Subway spokesnebbish Jared Fogle is having a seriously shitty time in prison since his conviction last year for running a child pornography ring and manhandling kiddies. First Subway fired him, then his wife left him, then he regained a ton of weight, and now TMZ is reporting that Fogle recently got a surprise pummeling in the prison exercise yard by a 60-year-old inmate who really hates child molesters. Inmate Steven Nigg slammed Jared to the ground and left him with a bloody nose, a swollen face and scratches on his neck. Nigg’s family said he’s been angry about child sex predators like Jared Fogle being housed in the low security facility. Maybe Subway’s next slogan should be #BeatFresh.
Everybody hates you, Jared. You’d better get used to it.

Show of hands. Anybody remember Led Zeppelin’s frontman, Robert Plant? I was never much of a fan but my first husband thought this guy was amazing so I always got stuck listening to Led Zeppelin at home and in the car. (My taste in music leaned towards Peter, Paul & Mary and Simon and Garfunkel. Now you know why I got divorced.) Anyway, I thought you’d like to see the following then-and-now photos of Robert Plant. He’s only two years older than I am. Holy shit.
And here’s Robert Plant two days ago when he appeared with his new band — the Sensational Space Shifters — at a venue called The Bomb Factory in downtown Dallas. His show got a great review, and apparently Plant can still scream all those really irritating high notes that ended my first marriage. (That, plus a very long list of other issues.)

I’ve only got two new FREE FONTS for you today due to the world’s longest afternoon nap and not really spending any time whatsoever browsing around on But these two fonts are definitely nice — excellent, actually — and I know I’ll especially like “Hayden” for my greeting card designs. Download links appear below in case you want these for your own collection.

And finally, a couple of hilarious photos I thought you might enjoy ...
Thank you for reading this. Seriously.

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