Friday, March 11, 2016

Eating, sleeping and downloading. I love my life.

It’s 6:29 p.m. on a semi-drizzly Friday evening, and this is the first chance I’ve had today to sit at my desk and write a Howdygram post. The rest of the time I’ve been eating, sleeping, downloading and ... well, I think that’s it. Eating, sleeping and downloading. I love my life.

I’ll begin tonight’s post with a few more new free fonts, okay? I can’t wait to use a lot of these for my greeting card designs [visit The Howdygram Store] and horsing around in general. Incidentally, “Heartwell” includes some gorgeous doodads and decorative ornaments in an Adobe Illustrator file and “Innocent” comes with several dozen free high-resolution watercolor flowers and miscellaneous botanicals (sample below). If you want any of these fonts for your own collection I’ll include download links after the graphic. Thank you.

I also bought myself a few exciting new backgrounds from Creative Market today, a few of which are illustrated below in case you give a crap. These include 48 high-resolution watercolor patterns and two dozen “bokeh” textures with really interesting blurred lights.

Rootin’-Tootin’ Sam’s Wild West Toenail Clinic was open for business last night at Howdygram headquarters, with Sam gleefully performing his most important responsibility as the spouse of a handicapped old diabetic broad with very shitty feet. (Translation: He cuts my toenails.)

Sam saved my life again this time by relieving the source of some really severe pain. It seems the nail on the baby toe of my left foot was ingrown and making its way to China; it felt so good when Sam lopped off the nail that I leaped to my feet and sang “The Farmer and the Cowman Should Be Friends” from Oklahoma.

In other respects, however, my pain level today hasn’t been so terrific. I’m still dealing with diabetic neuropathy in both feet, plantar fasciitis in my left heel, those goddamn leaking pressure sores on the back of my thighs and arthritis pain in my knees. Please send me an email if anybody knows where I can order some spare parts online.
Click here for a complete list of pain-level descriptions. Because inquiring mind want to know and you probably don’t have anything better to do, right?

I’ve got a double whammy public service announcement tonight. First, Nestlé USA has recalled a shitload of Lean Cuisine, Stouffer’s and DiGiorno products due to consumers finding BROKEN GLASS in their food. The recall includes four different kinds of DiGiorno pizzas; five Lean Cuisine ravioli, pizza and panini meals and five Stouffer’s lasagna and souffle products. The company believes the glass may be in the spinach, which apparently is a common ingredient to all the affected products.
Nestlé says please don’t eat any broken glass. If you have questions call 1-800-681-1676.

Next, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is advising consumers not to eat Wonderful Pistachios after multiple salmonella outbreaks. Federal health officials have traced it back to a California pistachio grower whose products are marketed under the Wonderful brand (“Get Crackin”), Paramount Farms and Trader Joe’s private label. Reports came in of the recall after 11 people in nine states were infected with Salmonella Montevideo and two of them have been hospitalized. Please do not eat these pistachios. Feel free to send any remaining nuts to Donald Trump’s campaign headquarters.

Something I only hope to see in my worst nightmares ... sexy Senator Turd Cruz making “bedroom eyes.” Dear God, please make him STOP! Frankly, I’ll be so goddamn glad when the 2016 elections are done and finished because I never want to see any of these Republican shitheads again for the rest of my life.

And now we have Dr. Ben Carson — the lunatic with zero grasp of history, foreign policy, geography and basic government — who’s the second candidate to jump off the clown car in recent days and beg for a seat in Donald Trump’s classy gold-plated limousine. Why Ben jumped should be no surprise to anyone: TRUMP IS PAYING FOR HIS ENDORSEMENT. He paid Chris Christie and now he’s paying Carson, a couple of losers who dumped their dying campaigns to shake hands with Trump on camera for the right price. (I have no proof, of course, but Trump always gets what he wants. And it always comes down to MONEY.)

It’s late and I’m ready for a few snacks and a little TV time with Sam. We like to watch “Real Time with Bill Maher” on Friday nights and then a movie. We rarely stay awake for most of this, but it’s always worth a shot.

Thank you for your support. Say hi to the family for me.

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