Monday, February 29, 2016

Prosecutors are hoping to nail Donald Trump (and Trump University) on racketeering charges.

First things first. I want to wish each and every one of you a sincerely HAPPY LEAP DAY, although I have no idea what this means and why anybody would give a crap about February 29 unless maybe it’s your birthday. Anyhow, here’s a mentally ill frog to extend the Howdygram’s best wishes. You’re welcome.
I’m unable to leap on Leap Day due to mobility issues and chronic pain ... but if somebody wants to start National Shlep Day, I’m all-in for that.

If you were concerned that my absence yesterday meant I’d run out of free fonts, you’d be sorely mistaken because I never run out of free fonts! The first seven on this list are from a single download file that hold 268 fonts. Do NOT be terrified by this, however, since each font in the download includes five or six different styles (light, regular, bold, italic, dingbats, etc.) and that’s where the huge grand total comes in.

My favorites today are “Bengala” and “Chef Script,” the latter of which includes so many cute styles your spleen could explode ... including little dingbat graphics of chefs and food, fancy menu headings, three different script styles and the caps you see here.

In case you’re wondering why there’s no download link for “Trail Ranger,” it’s because this is a limited-time freebie from for their regular customers and I only added it to my list to torment you.

And now ... we’ve got another DEAD CELEBRITY to report! Today we’re remembering Oscar-winning actor George Kennedy, 91, who died in his sleep last night at his home in Boise, Idaho. Kennedy was best-known for his roles in iconic movies like Cool Hand Luke (1967) with Paul Newman, Airport (1970) with Burt Lancaster, The Dirty Dozen (1967) with Lee Marvin and Charade (1963) with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. (In Charade George Kennedy was Scobie, that scary dude with the hook.) According to the Internet Movie Database Kennedy was still making movies in 2014. Oy, right?

As long as I’m discussing show biz, I thought you’d get a kick out of THIS. In 2013’s animated feature Barbie & Her Sisters in A Pony Tale, Barbie (and her sisters) are battling an evil riding master in an effort to win the Big Horse Tournament. The evil asshole eventually loses, of course, but even more devastating for the villain: HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE TED CRUZ!
Apparently the striking similarity was first noticed by comedian Brian Gaar last fall and started making the rounds again a few days ago. The likeness is hilarious, but I’d recommend keeping your young daughters away from this Barbie movie or they’ll wake up SCREAMING. Thank you.

May I take a moment of your time to discuss today’s chronic pain issues? (I don’t really care how you answer due to this is my blog and I’ll write whatever the hell I want.) I guess I’ll begin with my latest Shit-O-Meter readout [learn more] and proceed from there.
Today at Howdygram headquarters I’m dealing with all of the following: 1) severe and seriously horrible NEUROPATHY PAIN in my heels and the soles of both feet; 2) shitty, SHITTY KNEES; and 3) a brand new and very unwelcome LEAKING PRESSURE SORE on the back of my right thigh, only three weeks after my last two sores finally healed. I’ve been taking extra pain medication because sitting actually hurts as much as walking.

If I’ve learned one important lesson from my current situation, it’s this: WITH ENOUGH NORCO, I CAN STAND ALMOST ANYTHING. God bless drugs.

Because Super Tuesday is just a few hours away — it’s TOMORROW! — the debacle of Trump University is finally getting the attention it deserves by proving Donald Trump to be an asshole, a predator, a thief and a scam artist. Three ongoing multimillion-dollar lawsuits against Trump U (and Trump himself) focus on misrepresentation, deceptive marketing tactics and false promises that drove many of the plantiffs into severe debt.

Prosecutors are hoping to nail Trump with RICO — the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act — that’s been used successfully to indict organized crime (and the Mafia) since 1970. Maybe this will slap some sense into Trump’s delusional fan club.

Trump University, of course, was anything but. It was mainly a handful of obscenely expensive real estate seminars, CDs and DVDs. There were no classes, teachers or buildings. The scam to eventually had to change its name to “The Trump Entrepreneur Initiative” after New York state education regulators objected to the use of the term “university.” According to New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, Trump made “false promises” in a series of advertisements to persuade more than 5,000 people around the country, including 600 New York residents, “to spend tens of thousands of dollars they couldn’t afford for lessons they never got.”
Trump, of course, says these lawsuits are bullshit, and he’s accusing the judge — U.S. District Judge Gonzalo Curiel of California — of being “hostile” towards him because the judge is “Spanish.” To quote Trump directly at an Arkansas rally on Saturday: “We have a very hostile judge because, to be honest with you, the judge should have thrown the case out on summary judgment. But because it was me and because there’s a hostility towards me by the judge, tremendous hostility, beyond belief. He’s Hispanic, which is fine. We haven’t asked for a recusal, which we may do.”

That’s another veiled threat by the thinnest-skinned, most paranoid presidential candidate in American history. Also ... grammatically, Trump’s remarks make no sense whatsoever. Fuck you, Donald. We hope you’ll like your new address at Leavenworth.

Time now for a nice hot shower because Sam will be home from work about an hour from now and we like to hang out together and eat snacks in the family room. Thank you for reading this!

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