Sunday, January 10, 2016

God bless Fuel City.

As I drink a nice steamy mug of Lipton’s Gourmet Cup-a-Soup for Senior Citizens and get ready for a shiny bright Sunday in Texas, I think I’d like to mention three hugely important things that happened here on Saturday: 1) I had my first-ever experience with a real visiting nurse and it was TOTALLY EXCELLENT; 2) I thought I wanted Chinese for dinner until Sam volunteered to bring home tacos and fried pies from Fuel City; and 3) please enjoy all the incredible and ritzy new free fonts that appear in the next section.

I will now proceed to elaborate on each of these points. Thank you.

GOD BLESS VISITING NURSES. They show up at your house hauling all kinds of ritzy medical supplies and then tape them to your legs. This actually happened! She also was responsible for some important first-visit “intake,” i.e., asking a thousand questions, writing down your answers, taking your blood pressure and discussing a recommended treatment plan so you can finally get rid of those goddamn leaking pressure sores on the back of your thighs that hurt so bad you want to bludgeon people with your cane.

Apparently I’ll be seeing a visiting nurse three times a week — until my pressure sores heal — so she can change the dressings on my legs, check my progress and kibbitz with Sam. I will also begin a gigantic antibiotic regimen because I’ve got one hell of a raging cellulitis infection and some serious swelling on my left thigh that looks like a red, rock-hard honeydew melon. (Please don’t ask me to take a picture, okay?)

The best part of all this? I ALSO QUALIFY FOR A VISITING DOCTOR. Permanently. And I didn’t even know visiting doctors existed! This means Sam and I won’t have to get creative about new ways to shlep me to Baylor Medical Center to see Dr. M since I can’t walk any more and don’t ride in cars, either. For the most part I’ve been able to manage quarterly checkups, but lately Dr. M wants me to come back every two weeks for follow-up appointments ... and that’s asking a LOT because I have to arrange for a round-trip ride on Mesquite’s senior citizen transit bus (I can travel seated in my wheelchair and Sam can come along for free as my caregiver), and the last two times I called they were already booked up two weeks in advance! So having a visiting doctor will relieve a lot of logistical pressure, make life easier for Sam and improve the overall quality of my medical care if I can be seen every time there’s an issue, such as urinary tract infections, shitty mystery fevers, and so on. I’ve often been guilty of neglecting things because going to the doctor is a complicated process for me now.

If I sound really pathetic please feel free to send Jell-O and cash.

GOD BLESS FUEL CITY. Sam was happy to shlep over to the best truck stop in Mesquite for a pile of chicken fajitas tacos with char-grilled jalapeños and a dozen sugar-free fried pies. We ate a feast fit for Henry VIII — did England have truck stops near Hampton Court Palace in 1540? — and then watched Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) starring James Garner, Bruce Dern and Walter Brennan.

The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Fuel City at Town East Boulevard and U.S. 80; C) the Chinese buffet at Tripp and Galloway that opened six years ago but I’ve never been there because Sam is such a coward about ptomaine poisoning; and D) our favorite Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market. We love their potato salad.

GOD BLESS FREE FONTS. Hot diggity-dog, people ... HERE THEY ARE. Another half-million amazing new free fonts from, the best website on earth not counting Amazon! Download links appear after the graphic so you can add any or all of these to your personal stash, give them as clever hostess gifts or share them with your favorite grateful font fanatic. (There are more of us than you probably realize. We’re a very needy bunch.)

And now a quick review of our calendar of events here at Howdygram headquarters. Aside from watching The Ten Commandments (1956) starring Moses, Yul Brynner and a cast of millions, Sam has a vacation day tomorrow and will use a portion of it to investigate where the fuck is my new three-wheel senior citizen hot rod already because nobody at Top Mobility knows what happened to it ... and I’m still waiting for the “white glove delivery” I paid extra for!

I placed the order for my Prowler 3310 on Christmas Day but tracking information ended suddenly with a thud back on January 3. I am not happy. Sam is not happy. And when we get through with them, the customer service Einsteins at Top Mobility won’t be too happy, either.
Thank you for reading this!

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