Republican assholes, a senior citizen food review, another dead celebrity and more free fonts!

Know what? While I wait for Sam to get home from Costco with a trunkload of the usual suspects — i.e., teeny tacos, spicy guacamole cups, Cape Cod chicken salad with mooshed up cranberries, trash bags, breakfast burritos, frozen spring rolls and a dozen yoooge muffins — this is the perfect time to move forward with an amazing fruit-filled Howdygram post featuring BREAKING MEDICAL NEWS, REPUBLICAN ASSHOLES, a SENIOR CITIZEN FOOD REVIEW, another DEAD CELEBRITY and MORE FREE FONTS! I know you’re already as excited as I am, so let’s get started, okay?

I don’t think I feel well enough to digest anything heavier than half a rotisserie chicken with barbecue sauce.

I meant to write a Howdygram post yesterday but it was just one of those days. I FELT LIKE TOTAL CRAP. This included: 1) my left heel; 2) the back of both thighs with pressure sores; 3) my knees; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. Except regarding my heel, it hurt so damn bad yesterday I couldn’t stand on it barefoot and wound up wearing my clunky black specialty shoes for plantar fasciitis that make me walk like Frankenstein. There’s good news, though. I feel so much better today — NO HEEL PAIN! — that I’ve decided to celebrate by ordering dinner from King China with steamed dumplings and extra hot sauce.

God bless Fuel City.

As I drink a nice steamy mug of Lipton’s Gourmet Cup-a-Soup for Senior Citizens and get ready for a shiny bright Sunday in Texas, I think I’d like to mention three hugely important things that happened here on Saturday: 1) I had my first-ever experience with a real visiting nurse and it was TOTALLY EXCELLENT; 2) I thought I wanted Chinese for dinner until Sam volunteered to bring home tacos and fried pies from Fuel City; and 3) please enjoy all the incredible and ritzy new free fonts that appear in the next section.