Sunday, November 29, 2015

My doctors are letting me down and I’m not happy.

Shalom to you and yours from my happy little corner of Texas, where four days of relentless rain have turned our region into a gigantic, never-ending auto showroom of submerged vehicles, all driven by yahoos who didn’t realize their freeway underpass was actually 10 feet under water. A smattering of representative photographs appears below for your possible interest. Bottom line: IT’S EXTREMELY WET HERE.

In a nutshell: MY DOCTORS ARE LETTING ME DOWN AND I’M NOT HAPPY. There are actually two different incidents to report from two different doctors.

DR. M’S STAFF IS FUCKING ME UP. Every time I request a prescription refill through Wal-Mart’s pharmacy they tell me Dr. M’s office doesn’t respond. So last Monday I requested a refill for Amitriptyline directly from Dr. M on Baylor Health’s silly patient portal website with the worst interface God ever created. BIG FAT FAIL. Nobody acknowledged my refill request and nobody sent a prescription to the pharmacy! As a result I ran out of Amitriptyline yesterday and thank God the pharmacist at Wal-Mart volunteered to give me a three-day supply for free. I guess prescriptions must be a low-priority issue at Dr. M’s office because they ignore the pharmacy and they ignore their patients. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OVER THERE? This will be resolved next week for sure because I’ve decided to blow at least one gasket when I see Dr. M on Thursday.

MY CARDIOLOGIST IS IGNORING ME. One of my heart medications — Metoprolol, which reduces my heart rate — tried to murder me last week with several severe side effects that included blacking out, dizziness and difficulty breathing. I stopped taking the drug because I didn’t want to die and sent Dr. Singh an emergency email through Baylor Health’s patient network to ask what I should do next. Nobody responded. The following day I called to talk to his nurse and got the clinic’s voice mail. Nobody called me back. I want to beat these people to a pulp with my cane. I’M A NEEDY AND HYSTERICAL SENIOR CITIZEN AND I DEMAND BETTER SERVICE THAN THIS!

Today was MONUMENTAL, guys, because I finally decided it was high time to expand the functionality of our study with regard to dining at my desk when Sam isn’t home to cook food for me. I already have a mini-fridge in here that’s stocked with diet soda, Glucerna diabetic milkshakes and insulin, plus a convenient Hamilton Beach electric tea kettle that provides unlimited boiling water for hot tea, Mountain House freeze-dried entrees for senior citizens and Idahoan mashed potato cups in multiple flavors. So what was today’s big purchase? AN ADORABLE TEENY MICROWAVE FROM WAL-MART!
This is a 0.7 cubic foot, 700-watt RCA microwave with six handy one-button settings for hot dogs and assorted whatnots, a revolving turntable made of genuine glass and an amazing price tag of only $46.88. Holy shit, right?

Incidentally, the low wattage is a very big plus due to I already have the aforementioned mini fridge and tea kettle plugged into the same power strip with an Epson printer and I don’t want the study to blow up. Fortunately, I would never operate the tea kettle — which sucks 1700 watts and boils water faster than you can rip open a tea bag — and the microwave at the same time, so I think we’ll be fine. Also I forgot to mention that the microwave measures 17" x 12" x 9" and practically fits on your lap. It will be here Wednesday.

There were actually two more senior citizen purchases today, too! First, a nice box of 100 Great Value black tea bags (Wal-Mart’s store brand) for only TWO BUCKS. If you’re a tea drinker, this is a bargain you shouldn’t pass up. They taste exactly like Lipton’s at half the price, and saving two bucks on a favorite winter beverage is nothing at which to sneeze.
My last exciting senior citizen purchase today came from Target, where I ordered two dozen seriously tasty Idahoan mashed potato cups in my two favorite flavors: Four Cheese and Buttery Homestyle. Even though the labels say “microwavable” you can also make them just by adding boiling water, which I do all the time. In a word, these are FUCKING AWESOME.

While I consider what I want for dinner — most likely Schwan’s popcorn shrimp and a lot of cocktail sauce — I would like to add an Einstein award to tonight’s Howdygram post. This one acknowledges Tanya Robertson, an executive committee member of the Texas Republican Party, who wants a SECESSION VOTE on the March primary ballot because she thinks Texas should really leave the union.

Roberton’s ballot initiative would say: “The State of Texas should reassert its status as an independent nation. FOR or AGAINST.”

Claiming she “already has support from a few other members” for her resolution, she also noted that she “got the idea for the resolution from the Texas Nationalist Movement,” which is basically a collection of far-right, anti-government assholes. Roberton will present the resolution at the committee’s December 4 meeting. “There’s been a big groundswell of Texans that are getting into the Texas independence issue,” she said. “I believe conservatives in Texas should have a choice to voice their opinion.” What a goddamn joke. The only Texans who HAVE a voice are conservatives!
Thank you for reading this.

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