Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Protect yourself against Satan with potato soup.

Ready for some huge news? I’m really hungry right now and might consider making my own goddamn dinner tonight instead of waiting until Sam gets home from work at 9:15. Or I could order something, which is faster, tastier and involves zero manual labor. Maybe Chinese! With SHRIMP DUMPLINGS and EGG ROLLS* and HOT & SOUR SOUP and EXTRA SOY SAUCE!
*The egg rolls from King China smell like feet.

Show of hands. Who remembers Christian TV huckers Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker from the 1980s? Jim’s prosperity gospel TV empire imploded after he was convicted of wire fraud and racketeering in 1988 and began serving a 45-year sentence in federal prison for selling thousands of fraudulent “lifetime memberships” to a Christian theme park and hotel complex that he never actually built.
Tammy Faye dumped Jim’s repulsive ass in 1992 and eventually married another huckster. Jim was released from prison in 1994 and continues to pay off the millions he still owes the IRS. And one of the ways he does this is by selling tubs of dehydrated food for the “end times.” Now a gray-haired little prune with too many teeth, Bakker appears in the following video from his TV show — yes, he’s back on the air from his Christian TV studio in Branson, Missouri — pushing a slop bucket filled with potato soup. In the clip below he actually CHOKES on this shit.

Footage from the program also shows him offering a package of seven years’ worth of “tasty new foods” with a $3,500 donation. The package includes macaroni and cheese and chocolate pudding, which Bakker said would allow survivors of the undefined conflict to have a party or continue celebrating birthdays. Unfortunately, none of the foods listed on Bakker’s crap website match authorized government recommendations for useful food to have on hand after a disaster, such as canned goods and bottled water. PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST SATAN WITH POTATO SOUP.

Looks like Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar are having a very public freak-out now that TLC has kicked their repulsive reality show “19 Religious Assholes and Counting” off the air in the wake of their oldest son Josh’s child molestation scandal. Michelle is whining on her blog about the horror of losing their income while having to do all the laundry, home schooling, cooking, dishes and diapers without paid help. One married Duggar daughter and her husband are begging for donations online to support a mysterious charity of their own invention and four mental case Duggar sons are selling $15 tee shirts on a Duggar Studios website.
I can't blame the poor woman for being overwrought, because she’s been used as a human incubator for more than two decades by a vile human being and his vile religious beliefs. But nobody’s buying this public pity party because the family has a bunch of LLCs like a charter plane service and used car lots, and a built-in staff of about 10 older children unpaid slave-labor childcare workers to take care of the younger ones. To hell with these obnoxious Bible-humpers and good riddance!

Thank you and have a pleasant day.

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