Saturday, July 25, 2015

In Sunnyvale you can enjoy the welcome sound of mooing seven days a week.

Hello from hot and sweaty Texas, where we’re in the midst of a typical extended summer triple-digit no-rain extravaganza. In other words, IT’S JULY, STUPID. Thank God for sugar-free popsicles and air conditioning. It’s 7 p.m. as I write this post and Sam decided to go for a drive through Sunnyvale, the sprawling suburb of mansions and cattle ranches across the street from Howdygram headquarters where you can enjoy the welcome sound of mooing seven days a week.

For your possible interest the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) medium-size snooty houses; and C) gigantic snooty houses. All the snooty houses are in Sunnyvale.
A sample snooty house in Sunnyvale appears below. But just in case you’re thinking it’s nice but no big fucking deal whatsoever, allow me to include a few of the salient features according to Zillow. This house is 6,950 square feet on eight acres of land and includes a media room with theater seating for 20 and unlimited M&Ms, a five-car garage, slave quarters, a LIGHTED TENNIS COURT, an in-ground pool and spa, a complete outdoor kitchen with a 20-foot grill and a two-bedroom guest house with its own pool in case you hate your kids or have a restraining order against your mother-in-law. Impressed?

And now I think it might be a fine time to fill my pill organizer for the week ahead — remember when Saturday night used to be date night? me neither! —and then eat dinner because I have a leftover Five Guys hot dog from lunch. Also popcorn. I love my life.

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