FUNNEL CAKE BACON QUESO BURGER: A funnel cake “bun” is stuffed with a burger, bacon and cheese. Powdered sugar is dusted on top. They’re kidding, right?
DEEP-FRIED CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP ON A STICK: Homestyle, perfectly-seasoned chicken noodle soup is deep fried in balls and served on a stick. Jesus, this sounds absolutely horrible.
DEEP-FRIED CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP ON A STICK: Homestyle, perfectly-seasoned chicken noodle soup is deep fried in balls and served on a stick. Jesus, this sounds absolutely horrible.
DEEP-FRIED FROOT LOOPS: Sweetened Froot Loops® are folded into whipped marshmallow, dipped in a creamy batter, deep-fried and topped with a drizzle of glaze and powdered sugar. Don’t laugh, but when I was eight years old my family took the tour at Kellogg’s in Battle Creek, Michigan, and their exit gift to all of us was an ice cream sundae sprinkled with smashed Froot Loops®. We loved it!
GULF COAST FISH BOWL: It’s 21 and older to order this “drinkable aquarium.” Candy Nerds are used as the “gravel” for the bottom of the aquarium, which is filled with a spiked blue punch and floating Swedish Fish gummies. Arrgh! Point me to the Vomitorium!
GULF COAST FISH BOWL: It’s 21 and older to order this “drinkable aquarium.” Candy Nerds are used as the “gravel” for the bottom of the aquarium, which is filled with a spiked blue punch and floating Swedish Fish gummies. Arrgh! Point me to the Vomitorium!
FAT SMOOTH: Three Belgian mini cream puffs on a skewer dipped in a Café Du Monde® beignet batter, deep-fried, dusted with powdered sugar and drizzled with chocolate and caramel sauce. This sounds heavenly.
PINOT NOIR POPCORN: This kettle corn is topped with “pinot noir wine powder.” Nooo.
PINOT NOIR POPCORN: This kettle corn is topped with “pinot noir wine powder.” Nooo.
FERNIE’S FRIED TEXAS SHEET CAKE: Fudgy chocolate brownie cake that’s fried and topped with Dr. Pepper icing, pecans and whipped cream. They lost me with the Dr. Pepper icing.
SURFIN’-TURFIN’ TATER BOAT: Lobster and steak are grilled and stuffed into a baked potato with cheese and garlic butter. A single claw protrudes from the top to add an element of terror. This is the stuff nightmares are made of, people.
SURFIN’-TURFIN’ TATER BOAT: Lobster and steak are grilled and stuffed into a baked potato with cheese and garlic butter. A single claw protrudes from the top to add an element of terror. This is the stuff nightmares are made of, people.
TEXAS FAJITAS FRIES: Beef fajita strips with onions and jalapenos in a flour tortilla cone. Pico de gallo and a sour cream/guacamole sauce come on the side. HELL YES!
THE TAMALE DONUT: Justin Martinez, the madman who made the Texas State Fair’s award-winning Fried Bubblegum and Fried Thanksgiving Dinner, has created this year’s Tamale Donut, a pork-filled tamale formed into a circle, deep-fried and topped with a jalapeño cream salsa. Yup. I could do this one, too.
THE TAMALE DONUT: Justin Martinez, the madman who made the Texas State Fair’s award-winning Fried Bubblegum and Fried Thanksgiving Dinner, has created this year’s Tamale Donut, a pork-filled tamale formed into a circle, deep-fried and topped with a jalapeño cream salsa. Yup. I could do this one, too.
On August 27 judges will pick a winner in each of three different categories: Best Taste Sweet, Best Taste Savory and Most Creative. If you’re willing to shell out $100 for a ticket you’ll get to sample all 10 finalists pictured above ... with a free commemorative bottle of Pepto Bismol on the side. (I might be kidding about the Pepto Bismol.)
Incidentally, in addition to an endless array of strange crap to eat, the Texas State Fair also offers pig races, a gigiantic midway, Big Tex’s Farmyard, the Children’s Aquarium, the Texas Auto Show, a daily chainsaw carving competition, the PeeWee Stampede, a milking parlor demo and milking competition, Bob Warr’s Magic Chuck Wagon, a tractor pull, the Ronald McDonald Show, a nightly Starlight Parade, livestock judging, home arts judging (pickles, jam, cakes, pies, etc.) and millions of outstanding shopping opportunities. The Texas State Fair is the largest in the United States. Sam says he might want to go this year!
We’ve got a thunderstorm rolling through here right now, so this might be a fine time to take some meds and shlep myself into the family room for a nice juicy nap. I’ll understand if you’re unable to remember the Alamo today. Thank you.
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