I honestly didn’t know we had Confederate statues in Dallas.

Today’s Kvetch Report includes a list of physical complaints that I might not have mentioned before. To tell you the truth, this shit is getting weirder, more frequent and sometimes scarier than before. Here we go: 1) painful “charlie horse” muscle spasms in both hands and all ten fingers; 2) skin irritation on the back of both thighs requiring shmears of Balmex cream several times a day; 3) wheezy lungs after a nap; 4) severe muscle tremors in my extremities, tongue, lips and (no kidding) eyebrows; 5) diminished appetitite; 6) stuttering and difficulty speaking normal sentences; and 7) a craving for chopped liver.

FYI, Gabapentin is an anticonvulsant medication that affects chemicals and nerves involved in causing seizures and some types of pain, especially diabetic neuropathy, which is why I’ve been taking 2,700 mg a day for several years already. Items 4 and 6 in my Kvetch Report (see paragraph one) were most likely due to inadvertently taking two doses of Gabapentin too close together on Friday. The muscles in my body went FUCKING INSANE and I hope I never have to deal with that ever again.

As for item number 7, I’d kill for a real Jewish deli around here! We’ve only got a ridiculous fake in north Dallas owned by an African-America short order cook and his mother (seriously) and a restaurant in Plano that advertises as a “genuine New York deli.” I don’t know anything about their “New York deli” shtick, but I remember eating there with Sam about ten years ago when we first moved to Texas, and there was nothing very exciting about it whatsoever. Just meh. It wasn’t as good as any of the Jewish delis I remembered growing up in Chicago and it definitely wasn’t as good as the delis in Los Angeles (L.A. has terrific delis. At this point, though, I’m willing to give Plano, Texas, another shot because I NEED CHOPPED LIVER AND I NEED IT NOW. Pictured below … a bowl of chopped liver and a glorious overstuffed meat knish. (You’re supposed to eat meat knishes with brown gravy.)

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It’s 11:03 Sunday morning and I’m reading about all the peaceful anti-fascism protests yesterday across the United States. There was one here in Dallas, too, and apparently the city agreed to take down every Confederate statue — including the statue in Robert E. Lee Park! — by the end of the year.

I honestly didn’t know we had Confederate statues in Dallas, and I definitely didn’t know there was a park dedicated to Robert E. Lee. It’s probably 150 years too late to demolish all this racist bullshit ... but better late than never, I guess.

Yes, Dallas is a beautiful city. Gorgeous, actually. Our streets are all wide boulevards lined with trees, and we have a billion parks with creeks, fountains, arbors and miscellaneous other fancy hoo-hahs. The prettiest of them all, though, has to be Turtle Creek. Everybody says so.

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I think I’ll join Sam in the family room now for a nap due to I don’t have too many other options and sleep is always a good idea.

Thank you for reading this.