Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Senior citizens try to get a grip on the twenty-first century.

My project du jour, which I just finished, involved choosing and organizing cards for my 2018 birthday card list. I design my own greeting cards and order them from my store on Zazzle, mailing about 45 altogether throughout the year to relatives and friends. They’re fucking adorable even if I say so myself, and I’ve got some of the funniest cards on the Internet. I sell a lot of them. Of course I’d be even happier if YOU bought a few, but what the hell … do whatever you want, okay? Some of my designs appear below for your possible interest.

It’s been a while since my last Kvetch Report so maybe I should provide an update on what’s what around here. First, I switched to a new primary care physician at Baylor Hospital’s clinic in Mesquite due to my adorable doctor (Dr. M) resigning last month to open her own cash-only practice. I’ll see my new physician (Dr. K) on September 6 for routine quarterly crapola, lab work and so on.
Second, as soon as Baylor transfers my records from Dr. M to Dr. K I’ll report my latest Clots “R” Us test result, which was 2.0 as of this morning. I’m a heart patient on Coumadin and have to check my blood clotting speed once a month to make sure it’s between 2.0 and 3.0. If it’s too high or too low I have to adjust my dose of Coumadin and check my clotting speed once a week until it’s back in the normal range. Because it’s such a royal pain in the ass to get me to the doctor’s office for lab work — a process that involves Sam maneuvering me in a bariatric wheelchair and an advance round-trip reservation on the City of Mesquite’s senior citizen transit bus — three years ago I purchased my own CoaguChek XL meter so I can test my own blood clotting speed at home. I’ll email today’s result to Dr. K as soon as the clinic sets me up as her patient.

In addition to kvetching, testing and clotting it’s my pleasure to report that I’m doing SWELL on Lasix — a nuclear-powered diuretic — now that I’ve got a comfortable portable commode in almost every room of the house. The water weight is coming off, I’m starting to feel human again, and there have been zero pishing accidents. Hallelujah!

It’s crazyville around here. Reluctantly, I have to start researching cable TV packages again because we’re considering adding Netflix to our Dish Network service. Netflix offers a shitload of channels that we’re paying extra for right now, such as $10 for all the Starz and Encore channels and $10 for the Dish Movie Pack, which includes MGM, Sony, Fox, Universal, EPIX and so on. All those channels (and more) are available on Netflix for $9.99 a month. And if that’s not enough to give you a brain hemorrhage, today in the mail I get an offer from AT&T (we have their Internet service) … if we dump the Dish Network and sign up for DirecTV they’ll send us a $200 Visa Rewards card. Appaprently there’s a $70 DirecTV package that includes 230+ channels, including (free for three months) HBO, Starz, Showtime and Cinemax.

Like wow, right?!

So here’s the thing, people. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT’S THE BEST DEAL AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! I’m so confused I don’t know where to start. Here are my basic questions:
  1. How does Netflix work?
  2. How would I access their library of movies and TV shows? 
  3. Can I sign up for Netflix if I have Dish Network satellite service … or do I need an Internet-based service like DirecTV?
I don’t know who to ask (or who to trust) because everybody’s trying to sell me something. So … if you can give me a hand with this please send me an email and we’ll make arrangements to talk. Thank you!

Time for a nap and a movie. Thanks for stopping by and please do your best to remember the Alamo if it’s at all possible.

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