Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I decided not to celebrate Catheterization Day.

Yesterday was a busy and unforgettable day at Howdygram headquarters. For your possible interest I participated in all of the following hoo-hahs.

AN ARBORIST CAME OVER to destroy the aphids, worms and ladybugs feasting on the tree in our front yard. Total charge for today’s adventure: $125.

I DECIDED NOT TO CELEBRATE CATHETERIZATION DAY. My visiting nurse showed up at 10 a.m. as planned, but after a brief yet informative discussion about the pros and cons of catheterizing an elderly person simply because she has a weak bladder, takes a strong diuretic — I’m looking at YOU, Lasix! — and couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough even if her mother was Secretariat, it was reasonably suggested that the aforementioned elderly person — yours truly — should try using a portable commode first because it’s an easy, pain-free solution with zero risk of recurring urinary tract infections. So … last night I ordered the following portable commode from Wal-Mart. It has a wide seat, a high-capacity bucket and drop-down arms in case I want the arms (duh) to drop down. As soon as my new commode gets here I can start taking Lasix again. Oh boy!

I HAD CAMPBELLS CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP FOR LUNCH. I always enjoy my soup in a gigantic plastic mixing bowl (two cans of soup, one can of water) with a large volume of smashed saltines. This is definitely a favorite guilty pleasure. (Too bad I can’t have Twinkies for dessert.)

I POSTED MY PROWLER 3310 MOBILITY SCOOTER ON CRAIG’S LIST. It’s a bariatric scooter for big butts featuring an oversized captain’s chair, 500-pound weight capacity, a handy swivel seat, flip-up arm rests and a deluxe “fun package” that includes a horn, a basket, dual rear-view mirrors, a cane holder, turn signals and a genuine vinyl cover! Fully assembled, never used. Asking price: $1,500.

Tonight I’ve got a huge heap of exquisite FREE FONTS for you! I’m especially excited about the variety here … scripts, an elegant initial caps font (“VIP”), hand-drawn brush fonts, all kinds of sans serif fonts, interesting display fonts and a cool a new layering font (“Team Spirit”) with a vintage flair to it. As always, I’ll include download links below the graphic. Please feel free to enjoy yourself.
FaranisaTakhieRefreshBasilioVIPCanoeAll DayTangelo

I would also like to show off some new (and free) high-resolution background patterns that were part of Monday’s giveaways from Creative Market.
I also snagged the following free graphics … more than two dozen pretty floral “brushes”  for Adobe Illustrator and some really swell floral watercolor clip art. Nice, right?

Right now I think I should sign off on this post, inject my bedtime insulin (68 units of Lantus, in case you give a shit) and seriously consider going to bed with a William Powell movie, either The Kennel Murder Case (1933) with Mary Astor or Life with Father (1947) with Irene Dunne and Zasu Pitts. If I don’t actually fall asleep, however, I’ll throw in Pollyanna (1960) starring Hayley Mills just for the hell of it.
Thank you for reading this and please try your damndest to remember the Alamo. I’ve been having a hard time with this lately.

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