Sunday, December 25, 2016

I’ll never eat those goddamn frozen egg rolls again.

Hello from Howdygram headquarters on a wet and unexpectedly warm Christmas Day. It’s 80° here, people, and it’s also overcast and drizzling. We were supposed to get thunderstorms an hour ago but apparently was lying again. (They’re pathological about it.) Thunderstorms have been pushed ahead to 7 p.m. but I won’t hold my breath.

Sam and I don’t follow football. So imagine my surprise when I found out a couple of hours ago that the Dallas Cowboys have nailed a spot in the playoffs with the best record of any team in the league ... 12 wins and two losses. Probably because our senior citizen quarterback Tony Romo has been sidelined with his third broken back. Anyhoo, the Cowboys are playing Detroit tomorrow night at 7:30 here in Dallas and we might have to watch this one with popcorn. Please let me know if you want to come over and watch with us — on our new gigantic TV from Costco! — so I can dust the family room and tell Sam to pick up his stray socks. Thank you.

Thought y’all might like to see what I had for Christmas lunch today! Pictured below is Hormel’s Compleats Roast Beef & Tasty Gravy with Mashed Potatoes, an airline-sized portion that’s actually extraordinarily good for a two-buck meal. (The visible flecks of black pepper are mine.) I would’ve eaten something more elaborate except that Sam, who’s Howdygram headquarters’ head chef and waiter, was asleep on the sofa at the time and I didn’t think it was necessary to wake him up when I had so much food available in the study ... and a nice little desktop microwave. For the record, my other favorite Hormel Compleats meals are Meatloaf and Roast Chicken Breast, both with gravy and mashed potatoes. They’re ready to eat in only 60 seconds so you’d better have a plastic fork handy.

Sam and I didn’t feel very well last night. He was suffering from ordinary indigestion; I had something a little more complex that involved nausea, dizziness, occasional stomach pain and holding a large plastic bowl in front of my face for about two hours. I finally fell asleep sitting up on the sofa and felt better when I woke up. I still don’t know what hit me, but I’LL NEVER EAT THOSE GODDAMN FROZEN EGG ROLLS AGAIN. They were insanely greasy and I could still taste them when I got up this morning. Sam dumped the rest of them in the garbage.

Brit singer/songwriter George Michael died today at the age of 53. He launched his career with Wham! in the 1980s and then continued his success as a solo performer for a few years. Michael apparently “passed away peacefully at home,” according to his publicist.

In case you don’t remember him, Michael scored a bunch of number one singles in the U.K. with songs including “Careless Whisper” and “Faith,” and won three Brit Awards and two Grammys. After his career pooped out Michael started grabbing headlines for a lot of the wrong reasons, such as drug possession, two DUIs, an eight-week prison sentence for crashing his Range Rover into a store in London and getting caught with an underage boy in a bathroom in Beverly Hills. Oy, right? Maybe he should’ve tried selling real estate or car insurance.

I spent most of today uploading designs for The Howdygram Store’s new line of thermal tumblers ... but I haven’t really made a dent yet because I’ve got another 39 designs to go! Pictured below are photorealistic light natural cork and a nautical pattern with tan kraft paper anchors on a navy background. I’ll be uploading the rest of my designs during the week ahead between naps.
 Thank you for reading this!

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