Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Is Kim Kardashian styling the women’s track & field athletes in Rio?

Apparently I’m making a regular habit of middle-of-the-night Howdygram posts while normal people are asleep. I don’t know how I wound up on this idiotic schedule. When Sam shuffles off to bed at 11 p.m. like a regular person, I park myself in the study till sun-up with pretzel rods and Diet Sunkist. Jealous?!

I’ll begin with a couple of my favorite topics ... 1) more free fonts; and 2) hey, take a look at all the digital background images I bought today from Etsy! Fonts first, okay?

Today’s free fonts are GORGEOUS and I think you should download all of them! My runaway favorites are “Magenta” and “Magenta Sans,” which are very cool and work together perfectly as a design pair. Plus “Magenta” includes piles of swashes and alternate characters. Everybody needs alternate characters! I’ll include download links below the graphic. Knock yourself out.

I also felt exceptionally floral yesterday and bought the following four (very inexpensive) collections of digital background images from Etsy, which I’ll use for products I design for The Howdygram Store. I especially love the Garden Violets collection in goyishe shades of purple and mint green. CHECK OUT THOSE ADORABLE GLITTER STRIPES!

And now for the latest Olympics coverage from Rio even though you can probably get more and better news from any major network, including CNN and NBC. I’ll give it my best shot, though. (Thank you for not laughing.)

SIMONE BILES GRABS GOLD AGAIN. She’s 4'8" tall with glitter eyeliner and the strangest little body shape I’ve ever seen, but damn if this kid isn’t an amazing athlete. (Please, somebody tell her to dump that glitter eyeliner IMMEDIATELY.) Anyhoo, Simone won gold last night in the floor exercises even though I’m not convinced she was better than Aly Raisman, who won silver. (And Aly didn’t need glitter on her eyes to do it.)
IS KIM KARDASHIAN STYLING THE WOMEN’S TRACK & FIELD ATHLETES IN RIO? They’re all dolled-up with false eyelashes, red lipstick, fancy manicures, hoop earrings and hair extensions. Whose stupid idea was this? THEY LOOK LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO A FUCKING NIGHT CLUB, and I know I’m not the only one who’s confused because the cameras are zooming in, too. And when did somebody decide that female track athletes should wear THONGS to run the 440 Hurdles?  

Brainstorm: If thongs are such a great idea, THE MEN SHOULD WEAR THEM, TOO.

IF THE OLYMPICS REALLY WANTS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY ... they need to discontinue Ping-Pong, Trampoline, Water Polo and Beach Volleyball before the 2020 Games. Also anything that includes a horse.
THE DISASTER OF THE CENTURY. America’s Women’s Beach Volleyball team, consisting of reigning twinkies Kerri Walsh Jennings and April Ross, DID NOT WIN ANOTHER GOLD MEDAL after losing the coveted top spot yesterday to the Brazilian team. Apparently Walsh Jennings is on suicide watch.

RYAN LOCHTE MIGHT BE GUILTY OF SOME FRAT BOY “HIJINKS.” Yup, a Brazilian judge has ordered four U.S. swimmers — including perennial douchebag Ryan Lochte — not to leave the country after reporting they were robbed at gunpoing following a late night out. (Lochte had already returned home to the U.S.) Judge Keyla Blank said there were inconsistencies in their testimony regarding the time they left France House (scene of the aforementioned late-night horseshit) and arrived back at the athletes’ village, and there’s actual footage on a surveillance video showing them joking and laughing. Investigators suspect they’re guilty of filing a false police report ... probably a CYA move to prevent getting in trouble for being out on the town after hours. (This genius plan had to be concocted by Lochte, whose I.Q. is roughly equivalent to a potted plant.)

And now it’s time for a fresh can of Diet Sunkist and some down-time on my favorite chair in the family room. I’ve got some fantastic movies waiting for me, including The Parent Trap (1961) starring Hayley Mills twice. Here’s wishing you and yours a pleasant Wednesday!

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