Thursday, March 10, 2016

Suggested drinking game keywords for tonight’s GOP debate include “dick size,” “steaks,” “liar” and “con man.”

Hi. While I wait for my morning medications to kick in I promised myself I wouldn’t begin this Howdygram post with another detailed description of my chronic pain issues, which includes relentless leaking pressure sores on the back of both thighs, a bleeding rash, arthritic knees and diabetic peripheral neuropathy in both goddamn feet. So I won’t mention them, okay?

Another day, another hapless crowd of moron Republicans in the news! Our Einsteins today hail from West Virginia, where just a few weeks ago the Republican anti-regulation assholes in the state legislature decided to override the barbaric prohibition against raw milk that’s been plaguing the state’s dairy farmers for years. To celebrate their landmark repeal, the same lawmakers chugged a nice tall glass of dirty, unpasteurized milk ... and immediately collapsed from “a mysterious and severe stomach illness.”
Despite being violently ill, legislator Pat McGeehan still doesn’t believe that “raw milk is any riskier than eating raw oysters.” Seriously, Pat? Maybe you should whine about this to the Food and Drug Administration, which stands by its claim that “raw milk can harbor dangerous microorganisms that pose serious health risks.” ARE YOU REALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID?

So mazel tov to Einstein McGeehan and the anti-regulation patriots in the West Virginia legislature. And good luck with all that diarrhea!

There’s ANOTHER REPUBLICAN DEBATE tonight, people. This is debate number 12, and only four of the original 16 jackasses are left on the stage: Donald Trump, Turd Cruz, Little Marco Rubio and John Kasich. You can watch the festivities from the University of Miami live on beginning at 7:30 p.m. Central time. The Howdygram strongly recommends a drinking game to help you survive. Suggested keywords include “dick size,” “Trump University,” “liar,” “steaks” and “con man.”
Thanks for stopping by. I’ll try to write another post after I eat some food — popcorn shrimp with cocktail sauce! — and complete my first nap of the day. Say hi to the family for me.

No comments: