Monday, March 21, 2016

Another new baby and nobody bothered to tell Aunt Marcy.

I almost decided to skip a Howdygram post today. Almost. I started my day in a lousy mood due to crappy family issues (details follow) and chronic early-morning pain that required two doses of my favorite prescription painkiller before I felt steady enough to not chew everybody’s head off. Does that even make sense?

But wait, there’s more. Compounding the problem ... Sam was “on call” yesterday and worked from home, which turned out to be about 19 consecutive hours. He was up ALL FUCKING NIGHT, didn’t go to bed until 7 a.m. and then slept only THREE HOURS before he heading downtown to the office at noon.

So both of us were a mess, but Sam was an exhausted mess and probably felt worse than I did.

And now for those “family issues” I mentioned back in the first paragraph. I won’t go into too much detail in case the relations in question read the Howdygram, which I seriously doubt, but apparently a favorite niece in Chicago had a second baby recently AND NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL AUNT MARCY. As a matter of fact, this is the third time that new offspring have crawled onto the family tree during the past several years without anybody even sending me a stinking email. I have to find out by accident. It’s like I don’t exist even though Sam and I never forget to send presents and attractive homemade cards to the aforementioned offspring every year for birthdays and Hanukkah.


It’s 9:45 p.m. and Sam is already in bed, sound asleep. Poor old string bean, he got home from work about half an hour ago and barely had enough energy to get undressed. I told him I was hoping to shower and have him change the dressings and bandages on my pressure sores tonight but I don’t think I would wake up him for that ... even though he suggested it. I’ll take my shower and we can change the bandages tomorrow morning.

In the meantime here are a few swell excellent absolutely thrilling new acquisitions from the cool and talented people at Creative Market. I bought two collections today ... a set of 18 beautiful high-resolution burlap backgrounds in shades of natural and ice blue plus a set of 12 beautiful high-resolution watercolor background papers. I’ll use all of these to make products and greeting cards for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle. Wow. All of a sudden I’m oozing with inspiration!

And of course ... nothing is a better distraction for chronic pain and family issues than MORE TERRIFIC FREE FONTS. I’ve got seven for you this time, even though “Label Pro” is technically a family of 12 graphics fonts — hundreds of options in solids, stripes, inlines, outlines, etc. — for creating cool shapes for labels and logos. Download links are included below.

Back on March 17 the Howdygram posted a Public Service Announcement about Bumble Bee’s chunk light tuna recall due to possible “spoilage organisms or pathogens, which could lead to life-threatening illness if consumed.” In other words: THIS SHIT COULD KILL YOU. (Side note: People who eat chunk light tuna should have their heads examined because it’s basically a can of Fancy Feast.)

But I digress. In addition to Bumble Bee, today Tri-Union Seafoods and H-E-B announced a recall of the same poisoned chunk light tuna products.
Bumble Bee has recalled 31,579 cases of canned tuna with UPC codes 8660000020, 8660000021 and 8660000736; Tri-Union Seafoods has recalled 2,745 cases of Chicken of the Sea canned tuna with UPC codes 0 4800000195 5 and 0 4800000245 7; and H-E-B has recalled 224 cases of Hill Country Fare brand chunk light tuna in oil — yecch! — sold in Texas stores between 2/24/2016 and 3/16/2016 with the UPC code 0 4122065335 5.

Know what? Just eat Cheetos! There has never been a Cheetos recall in the entire history of the United States.

I was hoping to write more tonight but I guess my chronic pain issues are sending me to the chaise to lie down sooner than I expected. Therefore I’ll just say good night, adios, sayonara, bon soir and shalom (pick your favorite) and I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you for reading this.

No comments: