Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Howdygram reviews Hormel’s Meatloaf & Gravy with a Mashed Potato Hockey Puck.

I just finished my senior citizen microwaved emergency dinner here at my desk in the study. Tonight’s meal included one plastic tray of Hormel Sandwich Makers Meatballs, one teeny tub of Idahoan instant mashed potatoes and a can of Diet Sunkist. Life can be very good sometimes!

As long as I’m waxing poetic about senior citizen food I guess I could post the following review of two more Hormel entrees for senior citizens: Turkey & Brown Things and Meatloaf & Gravy with a Mashed Potato Hockey Puck. Both have earned the Howdygram’s three-chopper rating for being blah, weird and relatively tasteless but simultaneously filling, which means they still qualifiy as something to eat when there’s nothing else around (such as Cheetos).
Hormel’s Turkey & Brown Things would be a much better entree if they used real dressing and normal poultry gravy instead of a brown coagulated lump of whatever with dark sauce on top that tastes nothing whatsoever like turkey. I was hoping for a quick and cheap Thanksgiving experience but wound up with something you’d serve at a homeless shelter.

The Meatloaf & Gravy with a Mashed Potato Hockey Puck fared a little better. I liked the meatloaf; the mashed potatoes were MENTALLY ILL. The label on the package refers to them as “creamy,” but they’re solid, rock-hard (my plastic fork snapped!) and virtually tasteless, although the gravy — included at no extra charge — helped. Also a lot of salt and pepper.

Finally ... here’s some news that’ll make you smile for change and thank our criminal justice system! Daniel Holtzclaw, 29, a former Oklahoma city police officer and certifiable asshole and monster of the first degree, was sentenced today to 263 years in prison for raping underprivileged black women while on duty. Holtzclaw is an arrogant, entitled bastard, a bully and a former football player. His victims ranged in age from a 17-year-old minor to a grandmother, 57.
In December an Oklahoma City jury found Holtzclaw guilty on 18 counts of sexual assault, including rape. Yesterday’s sentencing was presented by District Judge Timothy Henderson and announced after victims told the court that the former officer had destroyed their lives. Holtzclaw preyed on women who had brushes with the law and forced them into sex, convinced their testimony would never hold up against him in court. Surprise!

Thirteen women testified against the former officer at his trial last year. The asshole sobbed like a little girl when he was found guilty, asking jurors “How could you do this to me?” as he was shlepped out of court in handcuffs. Yee-haw!

Need any free fonts? I’ve got another pile of adorable doozies for you today! In case you’re wondering, I browse around on every day for at least an hour looking for fonts I’ve never seen before, and I’m never disappointed. offers fonts for free that other websites sell for real money; I’m guessing the webmaster is located in Thailand, judging by his email address when I submitted a question last week, and he’s not worried about getting sued by American and European font designers for giving away their gorgeous shit online. I’ve probably added more than 500 new fonts to my private stash since mid-December and haven’t had to pay for any of them. GLORIOSKI!

Download links appear below the graphic so you can add these to your own collection or give them away as valuable hostess gifts with bows. (I’ll let you figure out how to do that.)

Shit. I’M FREEZING. My fingers feel like icicles and I’m actually having trouble TYPING tonight. I’ve got water boiling right now in the microwave to make a nice mug of tea so I can hold it and drink it. A hot shower would feel great, too, except I have to put that off until tomorrow morning right before my visiting nurse gets here to replace the dressings on my pressure sores. For your possible interest, my sores are starting to heal (slowly) ... so there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Karen stops by on Monday, Wednesday and Friday to change my bandages; next week she’ll teach Sam how to do it so I won’t have to continue paying for Blue Cross deductibles and house calls. The good news is, all of this will be FREE as soon as I qualify for Medicare; only 10 months to go!

Thank you for reading this.

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