Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Hey, girls, daddy is a dickhead!

Hi, guys. It’s me again ... your moderately deranged, font-lovin’ Howdygrammer from Texas! It’s 7:30 Wednesday night and Sam is already home from work due to a one-day scheduling change, and it’s so damn much fun to have him around on a weeknight that I think we need to celebrate. Get your spoons ready ... SUGAR-FREE JELL-O FOR EVERYBODY!

Because there’s no shortage of putzes in this world please allow me to begin my post with another Putz of the Week ... a mere 24 hours since we honored Jeb Bush! This time the Howdygram has to acknowledge noneother than Jon Ritzheimer, the frightened little “tough guy” from the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge hoo-hah who fled home to Arizona just hours before the FBI closed in. Does he smell like an informant, or what?
Ritzheimer, an ex-Marine, is the same asshole who staged a “draw Mohammed” event last year at a mosque in Phoenix. His militia thugs were decked out with face masks, assault rifles and “FUCK ISLAM” tee shirts.

Every time this miserable little jerk incites hysteria he uses it as a chance to grift for money online. This time it’s “legal fees,” as the FBI arrested Ritzheimer last night and charged him with felonies relating to the Oregon takeover. “I need an attorney. My family needs help and I am hoping they grant me bail.” He also shared a video on his Facebook page where he warns his toddler-age daughters that “daddy has to go away for a while.” It’s a real tear-jerker anytime you see a man who repeatedly abandons his family to fight for stupidity a thousand miles away. Hey, girls, daddy is a DICKHEAD.

Ritzheimer also grifted for dough after the Phoenix mosque fiasco, asking for $10 million so his family could hide due to death threats, which was followed by a GoFundMe page to ask for gas money so he could drive to Michigan and murder a congresswoman. GoFundMe took down his page the same day. Gas money?!

I hope he goes to prison for a very long time. I’m really sick of his annoying face already.

This has cured my craving for dim sum for the rest of my life. Introducing TRUMPLINGS ... Donald Trump dumplings that talk. Check out when you have a chance and enjoy the fun. There’s also a Sarah Palin feature. Each head you drop repeats one of her insanely shrill Trump endorsements, creating a sound so obnoxious and ignorant that you can’t help but love it and hate it at the same time.

I need to eat dinner now. Thank you.

No comments: