How come Jesus illustrations always make him look like the guy who rotates your tires at Pep Boys?

Good morning, boys and girls. With our Liar-in-Chief dropping the Mother of All Bombs in Afghanistan — what the fuck?! — and threatening a nuclear attack on North Korea, I’ve decided to spend a great deal of time today watching William Powell as The Thin Man and creating a pile of adorable greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Reality is just a little “too real” right now and it’s scaring the shit out of me.  Please raise your hand if you think Twitter should shut down this asshole’s account!

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In other news, today is Good Friday ... which is a very big hoo-hah for Catholics but not so much for the rest of us. I’m not even sure I know what it means, to tell you the truth, other than it’s the day that Jesus was supposedly crucified and a fine excuse for a day off work if you live in a mostly-Catholic big city like Chicago. Incidentally, EVERYTHING is closed on Good Friday in Chicago. And I should know, because I grew up in Chicago. I’m just saying.

Out of curiosity, how come illustrations of Jesus always make him look like the guy who rotates your tires at Pep Boys?

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I’ve got a fascinating gang of FREE FONTS  for you today! I love “Strayhorn” because of its tall “X” height, and my other favorites are “Knox,” “Pocket” and “Four Seasons,” which is really goofy. Download links will appear below the graphic, okay? I hope you’ll enjoy these as much as I will. Fonts are fun gifts for Easter or for no occasion at all.

Strayhorn • Frenttel • Restaurants • Brook • Knox • Malandrino

Pocket • Retro Pop • Four Seasons

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I also have some free interesting and unusual hand-drawn insignias and badges from Design Cuts that I’d like to show off. I really have no idea how I’ll ever use them, but what the hell ... free is free, right?

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My Friday afternoon project will be finding Sam a new iPhone at a decent price. His 5S is having a brain hemorrhage. He “butt-dialed” me by accident about eight times in a row this afternoon, and I’m sitting here at my desk in the study screaming, “HELLO? SAM? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” over and over and over, getting scared that maybe Trump hit the nuclear button and North Korea responded by bombing all the cell phone towers in Texas. As it turns out, however, Sam’s iPhone 5S is croaking ... he says it does this kind of thing all the time, which is irritating as fuck.

So I’m pricing iPhones while I write this post. A brand new 6S is $549 directly from Apple ... and that’s actually the lowest price on the Internet unless you’re interested in a refurbished phone. (We’re not.) Our own carrier, Consumer Cellular, sells a new 6S for $650, so we’re better off buying directly from Apple with no SIM card. I’m thinking we should probably order the phone online at Apple.com and have it shipped to the same Apple Store in Dallas where Sam will pick up our two new iMacs next week. Sam might even be interested in a brand new iPhone 7, which is only $100 more than the 6S. Hoo-boy, that’s a lot of new technology all at once for Howdygram headquarters! 

I think I’ll make a wee-wee run and go lie down for a little while. I can’t take too much excitement all at once any more. Thank you for reading this!