Friday, December 2, 2016

Do almonds have nipples?

Wednesday was a banner day here at Howdygram headquarters. Extraordinary. Unforgettable. Unprecedented. It was AN ALL-DAY SENIOR CITIZEN CYBER SHOPPING SPREE, and my purchases included all of the following ... with explanations wherever necessary. Thank you.

ONE STINKING LIGHT BULB. It’s a 30/70/100-watt three-way bulb because nobody else carries them. Only two bucks at Wal-Mart.

SPECIAL K AND ALMOND MILK. To feed a craving I ordered the kind with freeze-dried strawberries and another with chopped almonds and cocoa dust all over the flakes. Plus one quart of Silk almond milk. (Do almonds have nipples?) God, I’m hungry. From Wal-Mart.

CAMPBELL’S ROADHOUSE CHILI & BEANS in little microwaveable tubs. I ordered these because Hormel Compleats has discontinued their Chili variety, and very recently, I think, because all of a sudden it’s nowhere to be found on the Internet. I ordered two tubs of the Campbell’s stuff from Target. (Hold a good thought. Thank you.)

HORMEL COMPLEATS. Four Roast Beef with Mashed Potatoes and two Turkey with Dressing. (Stop laughing.) From Wal-Mart.

A BOX OF PILOT G2 FINE POINT GEL PENS WITH BLUE INK. The Pilot G2 is the official pen of Howdygram headquaters and I refuse to use anything else. This time I ordered a box of 16 because now and then I lose one, and I don’t buy ink refills any more because I never remember where I put them. Not on sale but inexpensive from Wal-Mart.
SUGAR-FREE DEL MONTE FRUIT CUPS. These are industrial-size 12-packs, the mixed fruit variety with random neon cherries. I also ordered a four-pack of Del Monte’s  sugar-free mango tidbits. Looks like they’re all finally back in stock at Wal-Mart after a ridiculous (and mysterious) absence.

15 ADORABLE CHRISTMAS CARDS. An exclusive design by moi from The Howdygram Store on Zazzle. Go check them out because Zazzle’s greeting cards are on sale this week at 50% off. This is nothing at which to sneeze!

My FABULOUS FREE FONTS for today include a juicy sans serif family (“Redshift”) with 22 styles for your typographic pleasure, four pleasant scripts (“Angelica” is a duo with a matching sans serif), a very stylish serif font (“Metropolis”) with a coordinating shaded style, a useful “Catchwords” font and “Madelyn Doodles” in two weights. There’s a lot of great shit here, so tell your friends! I’ll include download links after the graphic.

Yesterday was a big movie day around here. Sam and I, for whatever reason, managed to watch a string of fine films WITHOUT FALLING ASLEEP, which is an unheard-of achievement in our house, believe me. The films were: 1) Jobs (2013) starring Ashton Kutcher; 2) Hello Dolly (1969) starring Barbra Streisand and Walter Matthau; and 3) The Shop Around the Corner (1940) starring Margaret Sullavan and James Stewart.
Incidentally, Sam and I both thought Jobs was good. I’ve always been such a huge fan of Apple and Jobs, and it was fun to watch those early years of breathtaking innovation unfold on the screen even though the story missed some really key points, such as how Steve Jobs actually ripped off the concept for the Mac, drop-down menus and the first mouse from Xerox in 1979.
Regular Howdygram readers already know how the first Macintosh computer, which debuted 1984, absolutely changed my life. And Ashton Kutcher really nailed Steve Jobs’ walk, style and mannerisms. If you’re a Mac fan or just interested in the history of some amazing technology, take a look at Jobs right now on cable TV. Thank you.

As my final thought for this post I want to encourage you to buy a box of frozen country fried steaks from Costco because they’re TERRIFIC. Sam and I had these for dinner last night. You can either bake them or nuke them (we chose baking) and I made my own homemade gravy with boiling water and McCormick’s Instant Country Gravy mix because the instructions for the powdered mix that came with the steaks were a little too complicated and involved using a pot on the stove. (Sam doesn’t do pots on the stove,) In case you’re interested, these country fried steaks are excellent for senior citizens like yours truly because they’re tender enough to cut with a fork and you can even chew them with false teeth. They also taste good.
Thank you for reading this.

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