Sunday, September 18, 2016

Führer Donald Trump finally reveals his replacement for Obamacare insurance.

Wow, people. Just wow! As lousy as I felt yesterday with my pain level at a solid #7 and broken blood blisters on the back of my left thigh ... today I did a 180-degree flip and feel really AVERAGE! After quite a bit of sleep I’m pleased to announce that the skin on my thigh isn’t bothering me at all and I’m enjoying a pleasant late lunch of lobster ramen and an ice cold Marcytini. And a bag of sugar-free Russell Stover chocolates that Sam bought for me at Wal-Mart. I’m pretty sure life can’t get much better than this!

Führer Donald Trump hates Obamacare as much as he loves that Mexican wall. Therefore I thought y’all might enjoy his response when asked what he would do for the 21 million Americans with Obamacare insurance after he shuts it all down on his imaginary first day in office. (This is exactly what you’d expect from that ignorant shitgibbon.)

More FREE FONTS! This time I’ve got four fabulous scripts ... even though the first one is far more than you’d ever expect. “Pistacho” is actually a family of 18 different fonts (samples to follow). “Sadhira” includes 10 styles with a variety of swashes and curlicue alternates. I actually love ALL of these and can’t choose a favorite. Download links appear below the graphic.

Here are the font samples I promised for “Pistacho.” They include display fonts, sans serif fonts, two different scripts, several serif fonts and a bunch of adorable dingbats with ornaments. I’VE NEVER BEEN SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. (No, not really. Can’t you take a joke?)

It’s 2:15 Sunday morning, and I would LOVE to sit here typing like a maniac for the next couple of hours but I’m not sure the searing pain on the back of my thighs (yes ... it’s back) will let me do that. I can’t get comfortable and it’s driving me nuts. I take more than enough drugs (trust me) but nothing helps ... not even pretzel rods or sugar-free pudding.

In the meantime please allow me to do speedy reviews of the two fine movies I watched earlier tonight ... The Alligator People (1959) starring Beverly Garland, Richard Crane and Bruce Bennett and Imitation of Life (1934) starring Claudette Colbert, Warren William and Louise Beavers.

In The Alligator People Beverly Garland stars as newylwed Joyce Webster, whose husband Paul (played by Richard Crane) vanishes on their wedding night when he leaps off the train at a 60-second mail stop and never gets back on. Joyce spends the next several months trying to track Paul down all over the United States and finally gets a solid lead from his alma mater at Louisiana State University ... an old address for a plantation called The Cypresses in the middle of a ridiculous swamp. After Joyce drops in uninvited: 1) everybody pretends they never heard of Paul Webster; 2) Joyce ends up locked in the guest room so she can’t get too nosy; 3) The Cypresses’ handyman, played by Lon Chaney, Jr., is a subnormal, sexually-deprived madman who lives in a shack out in back, tries to rape Joyce and spends all night in the swamp shooting at alligators; and 4) the maid and butler are really nice. Eventually Joyce weasels her way out of the guest room, spots a radioactive research lab on the plantation property and discovers that Paul is one of several patients suffering the side effects of a shitty skin graft experiment ... THEY ALL TURN INTO ALLIGATORS! Fortunately, Paul still remembers how to play the piano and sneaks into The Cypresses every night to play his favorite songs and leave slimy footprints all over the carpeting.
And now for a quick look at Imitation of Life, the original version from 1934 that doesn’t feature Sandra Dee. In the original we have Claudette Colbert as Bea Pullman, a widowed single mom who’s struggling to earn a living as a maple syrup salesman. (Seriously.) Enter Delilah Johnson (Louise Beavers), also widowed with a little daughter of her own and apparently homeless when she knocks on Bea’s back door looking for an address and winds up staying on as a maid, cook and nanny in exchange for room and board. Bea and Delilah become fast friends and eventually launch a boardwalk restaurant together selling Delilah’s pancakes and (you guessed it) Bea’s maple syrup.
There are a bazillion plot twists, however, including: 1) Delilah’s daugher, Peola, is light-skinned and insists on passing for white, which is a huge taboo in America in the 1930s; 2) Bea’s friend suggests taking her pancake business to the next level by selling boxed pancake flour nationwide instead of operating a greasy spoon on the boardwalk; 3) Bea and Delilah become millionaires; 4) ten years pass and Peola is still pretending to be white; 5) Bea and her daughter, Jessie, both fall in love a fish scientist named Steve Archer (Warren William); and 6) this is way better than the Sandra Dee remake that also starred Lana Turner and John Gavin.

Please try not to forget the Alamo and thank you for reading this.

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