Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Sam and I love the ritzy Star Transit senior citizen “cootmobile.”

Just in case you’re wondering how my doctor appointment turned out yesterday, the round-trip excursion on Mesquite’s ritzy senior citizen transport bus with a wheelchair elevator was absolutely fine, my visit with Dr. M was absolutely fine also, and I don’t have to go back for SIX MONTHS. Six months! I’ve been seeing her quarterly for about seven years so this is definitely a break from tradition.
Here are a few highlights from yesterday’s appointment for your possible interest.

DR. M LOVES MY FEET. No kidding, she says they “look wonderful,” taking into account that I’m a diabetic with edema and advanced peripheral neuropathy. (That’s a lot of fancy-ass typing at this hour of the morning! It’s 4 a.m. right now.)

DR. M LOVES MY TOENAILS, TOO. We both congratulated Sam, who always comes into the exam room with me, for his excellent work as general manager of Rootin’-Tootin’ Sam’s Wild West Toenail Clinic. He cuts and files my crappy rock-hard diabetic toenails every four weeks and saves me a shlep to the podiatrist. Yay Sam!

MY PRESSURE SORES ARE LOOKING GOOD. I only have two right now. Teeny ones, and they’re almost healed. Unfortunately I also have a “blood blister” on the back of my left thigh, which explains one of my most persistant chronic pain issues, and the only way for the damn thing to heal is not to sit on it. This is fucking impossible, of course, since it’s on the back of my thigh. Therefore it will bleed, heal, bleed, heal, bleed, heal ... FOREVER. Please send cards and presents as soon as possible. Click here to request my shipping address.

I MIGHT HAVE A URINARY TRACT INFECTION so Sam has to deliver a wee-wee sample for me later today. Apparently the fever-and-chills hoo-hah last weekend combined with uncontrollable pishing is probably a bigger deal than I think and I might need drugs for it. (Drugs are good.)

DR. M FORGOT TO ORDER LAB WORK. Aside from requesting the aforementioned wee-wee sample, she never asked a lab technician to draw my blood (I’m totally fine with that) so I backed into my wheelchair and we drove off into the sunset! Not really. When we got to the lobby I called Star Transit for a pickup and we sat inside until the bus showed up.

There’s no story to go along with this photo of Donald Trump. It simply says it all.

Thank you for reading this. I have to go back to sleep now.

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