Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Marco Rubio got screwed by the “new American century.”

Hi, people. It’s a lovely Wednesday night in Texas with balmy weather — 75° plus a light breeze from the east — the air conditioner’s humming outside my window in the study, and I’m getting ready to nuke a teeny can of Chef Boyardee ravioli for dinner because Sam is at work, I’m hungry and I love this stuff. Deal with it.

Before I get sidetracked with news and politics please allow me to post the following two EXCELLENT FREE FONTS in case you’re a collector an addict like me. “Doodley” includes lots of different styles (grungy, bold, 3D shadow) and “Hand Gothic” comes in two weights. Download links are shown after the graphic in case you want these for yourself, your next-door neighbors or a few font-crazed relatives.

By now everybody knows that Little Marco Rubio is no longer the GOP’s candidate for the “new American century.” He was forced to drop out of the race last night after a humiliating primary defeat in his home state of Florida, proving that Rubio’s stupid and pointless presidential message was at least 16 years too late. The new American century — assuming that Marco was referring to the 21st — actually started 16 years ago with George Dubya. But that was the LEAST of Marco’s problems. Let’s list a few of them, okay?
NO SPONTANEITY. “The 44-year-old son of a bartender and a maid” was a programmed robot who had serious problems with candor and spontaneity. Rubio was slammed for repeating the same memorized talking points over and over and over in every stump speech, every interview and in every debate.

NO WORK ETHIC. Marco never showed up for work, an infuriating and arrogant quality that didn’t just begin in the Senate. Marco never showed up for work in Florida, either. He left his first-ever elected position on the West Miami City Commission after one year to run for the Florida House. When he won, he immediately missed six out of its 15 meetings and showed up so rarely for strategy sessions that asking “Where’s Rubio?” became a running joke. Former allies in Florida refer to him “a lazy, underhanded little twerp.” Yup. That’s Marco!

BOMBED IN THE DEBATES. After getting creamed for being a repetitious little “Marcobot” by Chris Christie, Rubio decided to crawl into the gutter with the Manhattan orangutan, Donald Trump, and trade a few schoolyard insults. While the world expected nothing better from Trump, they definitely did NOT appreciate it from Rubio. Especially the dick jokes.
DOESN’T GIVE ANY FUCKS ABOUT FLORIDA. Rubio is a hard-core climate change denier. While this might be a positive platform for Republicans nationwide, it’s definitely a real campaign-killer in Florida. Floridians are experiencing climate change first-hand and expect their elected officials — Democrats and Republicans — to work on solutions, not to pretend it doesn’t exist. Miami could be underwater by Thanksgiving!

REALLY SHITTY ENDORSEMENTS. It’s no wonder Rubio’s campaign was a flop after thrilling endorsements from Governor Nikki Haley of South Carolina (who cares, right?) and the world’s oldest living human fossil, Robert Dole.

The other yoooge politics-related news story comes from Dr. Ben Carson himself, who admitted in an interview yesterday that he agreed to endorse Donald Trump in exchange for a cabinet position in Trump’s administration ... WHICH HAPPENS TO BE FUCKING ILLEGAL, guys. That said, I’m absolutely positive now that Trump tossed the same kind of meat to Chris Christie, who hated Trump’s guts less than 36 hours before he endorsed him, and Sarah Palin, who would do damn near ANYTHING to claw her way to Washington.

And as long as we’re discussing Donald Trump and Chris Christie, here’s a video clip you might have missed. It’s Donald Trump insulting Christie ... who’s standing just a few feet away on the same stage. Holy shit.

And now, a hilarious video from The Daily Wire’s Andrew Klavan ...

If you’re not doing anything important tomorrow on St. Patrick’s Day maybe you could come over and watch me eat sugar-free green Jell-O. Let me know, okay?

Thank you for reading this!

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