Friday, March 25, 2016

I’m just hoping for a nationally-televised circular firing squad between the Trump and Cruz campaigns.

The Howdygram is acknowledging Good Friday today with — get ready for it — a gigantic Russell Stover sugar-free MILK CHOCOALTE EASTER RABBIT! This is a tasty, God-fearing snack that’s suitable for diabetics, Democrats and senior citizen shut-ins of any faith.
Chocolate rabbits aside, I’m apparently having another VERY shitty pain day. My complaints at the moment include stiff and rigid knees, intense pain in my left heel and several toes on my left foot, leaking pressure sores on the back of both thighs and burning hyper-sensitive skin from diabetic neuropathy. Just like yesterday, I’m a goddamn mess. The latest Shit-O-Meter pain report appears below. [Click here for details.]

Fortunately — and I know I’ve said this often in the past — the best way to suppress chronic pain, aside from a steady stream of prescription painkillers, is to BUY THINGS. Even cheap things. So today for the first time ever I shopped around on Etsy for “digital papers” I can use to design great and wonderful craparoo for The Howdygram Store. And boy howdy, what a discovery! Not only does Etsy carry a lot of the same products as Creative Market — where I shop frequently — but they’re also HALF THE PRICE! Here are three collections that I bought when I woke up from my afternoon nap.
Shopping for products like these offers instant gratification due to everything being available for immediate download as soon as you enter your credit card information. These collections cost only $3.65 each plus I got 15% off for spending at least ten bucks in the same Etsy “shop.” These digital papers really rock, people. I can’t wait to start using them as soon as I take another dose of Norco.

There are THREE HOT TOPICS in the news today, which I’ll share with you here!

A TURD CRUZ SEX SCANDAL. Trying to write about sex and Turd Cruz in the same paragraph is enough to make this blogger puke, but according to The National Enquirer Cruz has been linked to five former mistresses, including “a hooker, a teacher and coworkers” with a wild “sex-in-the-closet” allegation. And although Cruz fired back that the charge was a pack of lies being circulated by the Trump campaign, The Daily Beast says that Marco Rubio’s henchmen actually tried to break this story more than six months ago. GOOD OLD MARCO RUBIO!
IT SEEMS THAT 12,000 REPUBLICANS HAVE SIGNED A SUICIDE PACT demanding to bring their guns to the hotly-contested Republican National Convention this summer in Cleveland. Even though the United States Secret Service wants NO GUNS WHATSOEVER, which has always been the rule at past political conventions, this year’s gun-humping lunatics say they need guns at the convention to “defend their family.” From what? We don’t really know, but here’s an excerpt from the petition they all signed on

This is a direct affront to the Second Amendment and puts all attendees at risk. As the National Rifle Association has made clear, “gun-free zones” such as the Quicken Loans Arena are “the worst and most dangerous of all lies.” This doesn’t even begin to factor in the possibility of an ISIS terrorist attack on the arena during the convention. We are all too familiar with the mass carnage that can occur when citizens are denied their basic God-given rights to carry handguns or assault weapons in public. EVERY AMERICAN HAS THE RIGHT TO PROTECT AND DEFEND THEIR FAMILY. With this irresponsible and hypocritical act of selecting a “gun-free zone” for the convention, the RNC has placed its members, delegates, candidates and all U.S. citizens in grave danger.

Grave danger?! Personally, I’m just hoping for a nationally-televised CIRCULAR FIRING SQUAD between the Trump and Cruz campaigns.

PHOTOS FROM THE OREGON WILDLIFE REFUGE TAKEOVER. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service released a bunch of photos today from the 41-day standoff earlier this year at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, where armed militia goons rummaged through office records and important artifacts, dug their own roads and trenches, threw human feces on everything and then left behind trashed buildings, damaged facilities, a fucked-up septic system, bulldozed Native American lands and government offices with missing equipment. Damages are estimated at $6 million. (I hope they make Cliven Bundy’s kids pay for the whole goddamn thing.)

Thank you for stopping by and thank you for reading this!

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