It’s sixteen fucking degrees outside.

Let’s talk Thursday, shall we? It’s 8 a.m. here at Howdygram headquarters and the temperature outside is SIXTEEN FUCKING DEGREES. It’s so cold I wouldn’t even open the front door if somebody delivered Chinese food! And although that might be a massive exaggeration, to keep it all in perspective I’d like to share this photo of Chicago, where it’s substantially below zero this morning and THE WAVES ON LAKE MICHIGAN ARE FROZEN SOLID. Holy crap.

If Texas wants an official state hat, we also deserve an official state jackass.

While I spend the balance of my week hacking away at the World’s Largest Meatloaf I’d also like to address a momentous news story belching forth today from the heart of the Lone Star State. Specifically, a local lawmaker has filed a bill to make cowboy hats THE OFFICIAL STATE HAT. State Representative Marsha Farney, a Republican from Burnet, Texas, filed the bill on Monday.

Three huge news stories featuring skanks, food and weather.

Yo from Texas. I’ve got THREE HUGE NEWS STORIES to share with y’all today, so grab yourself a Marcytini and a couple of sugar-free Russell Stover marshmallow Santas and get comfortable!