Howdygram tip: Sloppy Italian beef is not something a person should attempt to eat over a computer keyboard.

Hi-de-ho. I woke up from an extended and ill-advised late evening nap around 1 a.m., just in time to see the last 15 minutes of How to Steal a Million (1966) starring Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole and watch sleepwalkin’ Sam shuffle off to bed. Unfortunately I’m having severe skin pain issues right now — the back of both thighs feels like somebody’s blasting them with a blow torch, plus I have those three goddamn leaking pressure sores — so I have to bounce up and down on my chair every couple of minutes to get comfortable. This is both exhausting and exceptionally stupid.

Last time I went to a baseball game Oscar Mayer Smokie Links were 35¢ each and Cokes were a quarter.

When it rains around here it really POURS ... and I’m not talking about the four-hour line of intense thunderstorms that blasted through here last night. (In case you’re interested, no, we did NOT get any basketball-size hail.) Actually, I’m referring to REMODELING PROJECTS here at Howdygram headquarters. While we’re still waiting for our second estimate for kitchen cabinet refacing — a project that will probably cost about $8,500 with all the cool extra doo-dads we decided to throw in — I realized last night that the shower in our master bathroom is having leak and grout issues again.