Hey there, gullible shoppers, Hayneedle is having a “yooge” dining room sale!

Good morning, hi, howdy-do, shalom and how’s the family! I’m deliriously thrilled to report that summer might finally be over here in north Texas, as evidenced by the decidedly non-summery forecast from the meteorology goobers at Weather.com.

Be careful what you choose for a snack.

Do you ever wonder who reads the Howdygram besides you? The answer is, LOTS OF PEOPLE! In case you have a few fucks to give, within the last 48 hours the Howdygram has welcomed international visitors from: Budapest, Hungary; St. John’s, Newfoundland; Canterbury, United Kingdom; Mexico; Burnaby, British Columbia; Berlin, Germany; New South Wales, Australia; Oran, Algeria; Melbourne, Australia; San José, Costa Rica; Hobart, Tasmania*; Newmarket, Ontario; Petaling Jaya, Malaysia; Parañaque, Philippines; Nassau, Bahamas; East Sussex, United Kingdom; and Fajardo, Puerto Rico. *Birthplace of Errol Flynn.

The smell of latex paint gets me sexually excited.

I meant to write a Howdygram post yesterday but it just didn’t happen due to I got a little too wrapped up with our amazing summer remodeling hoo-hah. Gary-the-Handyman is making excellent progress and he should be done with BOTH BATHROOMS today, which is a mildly depressing thought because the smell of latex paint gets me sexually excited. (I thought you’d want to know.)

Never yank a scab out of your nose when you’re taking a blood thinner.

I’ve decided that weird is the “new normal” for Howdygram headquarters, because yesterday was just as strange around here as the day before. Last night I was sitting at my desk in the study trying to write a Howdygram post when the vision in my right eye flipped to the left at a 90° angle, and it was so pronounced and sudden that I thought my computer screen had a nervous breakdown. I COULDN’T SEE AND IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. The entire hoo-hah lasted about 10 minutes, after which I began Googling “retarded eyeballs” and “lopsided vision” to find out what might have caused this. Here are the most likely possibilities according to a genius at Wikipedia.