Dark urine is caused by dehydration. I need to drink a lot more water.

It’s just past 8 a.m. and we’ve got another dark and dismal morning here, this time with a dense fog advisory. This doesn’t affect my life in the slightest, though, as I’m a handicapped old coot who never leaves the house … unless it’s the occasional ambulance ride when I’m anxious to pay an unexpected visit to the hospital. All that aside, however, I thought I’d share today’s “do” list with you: 1) contact my nurse practitioner (Antonia) at Baylor HouseCalls to discuss the color of my pee; and 2) I can’t think of anything else.

The pee hoo-hah is a little disturbing. For the last few days the color has been a frightening orangey brown, but everything I see online (from WebMD, the Mayo Clinic and so on) says dark urine is caused by dehydration … so most likely I just need to drink more water. A lot more water. But I’ll check with Antonia just to find out if I should also be doing something else. For instance, there’s a chance this might also be caused by seven days of catheterization when I was hospitalized last week.

Please stay tuned for further developments. Thank you.

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So what’s on my agenda for the rest of the day? REALLY FUN SHIT! It’s 4:45 p.m. now, and I’m eating a nice can of sliced Wal-Mart carrots and watching a week’s worth of “People’s Court” reruns, which will be followed immediately by Them (1954), a seriously cheesy science fiction movie about gigantic radioactive mutant ants running amok in the New Mexico desert and L.A.’s sewer system, starring Edmund Gwenn, James Arness and James Whitmore. (Probably a knee-slapping comedy, right?) We’re delighted to award Them with the Howdygram’s two-star ★★ rating.

“Them”: A giant mutant ant terrorizes two well-dressed people with hats near the Salton Sea. 

Following Them I want to watch The Talk of the Town (1942), a suspense/comedy starring Ronald Colman, Jean Arthur and Cary Grant, completely out of as Leopold Dilg, a blue collar worker who’s been falsely accused of murder. This movie a huge favorite of mine due to Ronald Colman having the most incredible voice I’ve ever heard. In The Talk of the Town he plays Michael Lightcap, a law professor who rents Jean Arthur’s country house for the summer so he can have enough quiet and privacy to write a book. Naturally, Lightcap immediately gets caught up in Dilg’s legal problems (he’s discovered hiding from the law in Jean Arthur’s attic) while Jean falls in love with … ALL OF THEM, KATIE! It’s a quirky story with a terrific cast that also includes Edgar Buchanan, Glenda Farrell and beet borscht. The Howdygram is pleased to award The Talk of the Town with a three-star ★★★ rating.

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Before I forget … I’d like to wish you and yours a Happy Pesach (Passover), which begins Saturday night at sundown with the first seder. Sam and I aren’t invited anywhere for the holiday due to having no friends or relatives here in Texas, and we’re definitely not observant enough to have a seder of our own, not counting my inexplicable fondness for gefilte fish with horseradish. (Especially horseradish.)

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I just got off the phone with my sister, Robin. She was driving to her girlfriend’s house to help her prepare for dinner on Passover. Conversing from the front seat of her car is Robin’s favorite way to keep in touch, so we had a fine opportunity to talk for about half an hour with no human interruptions (i.e., no children or grandchildren).

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It’s 7:45 p.m. Thursday night and Sam is unconscious next to me on the sofa. I feel a little guilty about doing this, but in a few minutes I’ll have to wake him up to ask for some food. I want a sandwich … Wal-Mart’s store brand sliced chicken lunchmeat on white bread with mayo. He always brings me the ingredients (I’m in the family room) and I make the sandwich myself. Probably with a few chips on the side. After I get my lower denture in a couple of weeks I’ll also start asking for a dill pickle spear. (Right now I still can’t bite into one.)

Thank you for reading this. Seriously.