Trump didn’t want the White House press corps to watch him play golf on Saturday. So guess what he did!

I started writing a Howdygram post overnight and just lost ALL OF IT. Holy shit, I’m devastated. I was about 80% finished, and everything is gone now! I guess I’ll have to start over and try to remember what I was writing about ... which won’t be easy, because I can’t even remember what I just ate for breakfast. I HATE THIS.

I guess I’ll begin with a quick summary of the latest news from Howdygram headquarters and a summary of various whatnots on my schedule this week.

I ALMOST HAD A DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT YESTERDAY AT 9:30 A.M. except I couldn’t get into the car. I tried to lift my left leg to step in but I wasn’t even close to raising it high enough! At the moment I’m feeling a whole range of emotions — anger, despair, depression, disappointment, defeat and desperately in need of Cheetos — but I made sure the scheduling desk at the clinic knew why I couldn’t get there and asked them to tell the doctor. Then I booked a new appointment for February 27 and arranged for a round-trip on Mesquite’s senior citizen transit bus. Bottom line: DON’T GET OLD BECAUSE IT SUCKS. Thank you.

ONE MORE THING ... Sam isn’t too thrilled about this morning, either, and on top of everything he just told me he’s having vertigo. 

TOMORROW IS VALENTINE’S DAY. Big fucking deal.

I KNOW WHAT WOULD CHEER ME UP. Here’s a cartoon GIF of Donald J. Trump behaving like our Toddler-in-Chief on the golf course. Maybe this is why he wouldn’t allow the White House press corps to watch his game with the Japanese prime minister on Saturday at Mar-a-Lago. In case you didn’t see this story online, Trump locked up the press in a room with black plastic garbage bags taped over the windows. AND THEY LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS!

And here’s a real jaw-dropper of a video clip ... it’s Donald Trump with Rudy Giuliani in drag. Gouge my eyes out!

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I only have one free font for you this morning, but it’s definitely a good one! “Cheque” comes with two styles, outline and solid, designed to be layered with the outline style on top. Which means the color options are limitless ... and this is so much fun I might want to skip my next meal! (Okay, maybe not.) You can download “Cheque” here.

There will be a lot more free fonts in my next post. I’ve already downloaded at least 12 but don’t think I’m awake enough right now to install them on my iMac and horse around setting up my list for the Howdygram. I know you understand. (And if you don’t, well, try to get over it.)

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Because I’m a strong proponent of instant meals due to being a housebound coot who can’t stand up any more to cook things, I’d like to review another quick and easy Hormel Compleats variety, and this time it’s a brand new one. Introducing Hormel Compleats Tan Slime with Rubber Potatoes, an entrée so repulsive I’d rather STARVE.

Like all the other Compleats meals, this one nukes in 60 seconds but looks nothing whatsoever like the photo on the packaging. It’s supposed to be sausage gravy with roasted potatoes; you actually get chewy little wedges floating in a puddle of tan slime. The only recognizable flavor is SAGE, and it’s such an overload that I had to spit out my first and only bite because — this is a little-known fact about yours truly — I FUCKING HATE THE TASTE OF SAGE unless it’s buried in a good stuffing recipe.

For all the dismal reasons outlined above I have awarded Hormel Compleats Tan Slime with Rubber Potatoes with the Howdygram’s one-chopper rating and highly recommend that you EAT SOMETHING ELSE. In case you’re interested, other Compleats meals are way better than this one and actually taste terrific: Meat Loaf, Roast Beef and Roasted Chicken Breast, all with Mashed Potatoes and Gravy. I love these.

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Sargento Foods, Inc., has recalled a few of their products because of possible Listeria contamination and not wanting any consumers to croak eating their popular cheeses. Last weekend Sargento pulled Ultra Thin Sliced Longhorn Colby and Chef Blends Shredded Nacho & Taco Cheese from store shelves. Both products were packaged at Sargento’s plant in Plymouth, Wisconsin.

“Out of an abundance of caution” Sargento also decided to recall their Sliced Colby-Jack Cheese, Sliced Pepper Jack Cheese, Chef Blends Shredded Taco Cheese, Off The Block Shredded Fine Cut Colby-Jack Cheese and Off The Block Shredded Fine Cut Cheddar Jack Cheese because they were all produced at the same plant in Wisconsin and therefore could give you cooties, severe diarrhea or death.

And if that’s not enough, Taylor Farms had to recall 6,630 pounds of chicken and pork salad products because they contain Sargento cheese. Just wondering ... what the fuck is a pork salad?

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And now it’s time for me to move on to other projects, which will include answering several emails, designing a couple of greeting cards and working on a few new products for The Howdygram Store, including Avery three-ring binders and custom Mason jars in two sizes with or without handles. I’ll share images in my next post, okay?

Thank you for reading this.