Thursday, July 13, 2017

I missed National French Fry Day. Don’t be mad at me.

Hi, people! Happy sweaty Thursday from the crew at Howdygram Tower in north Texas!

IN OTHER WORDS . . . And now I’d like to unravel a couple of possibly misleading statements from my lede. First, there’s no “crew” because I blog alone. (Practically everybody blogs alone, guys.) Second, there’s no “tower,” either … just a nice desk in a nice room in a nice house (kindly check out the photo that appears in the right sidebar). I also have a lot of nice desk doodads, including many pens and a pencil, a pencil cup, a fancy tape dispenser that holds two different kinds of tape in two different sizes, a brand-name stapler, a desk lamp with six lighting modes and a dimmer switch, a lot of small (8½" x 5½") lined tablets, a classy black genuine leather Kleenex box cover, sugar-free Hawaiian Punch singles-to-go, bottled water, my own personal microwave and a teeny fridge. Thank you.

Ever wondered what’s my motivation for writing the Howdygram? Well, dear readers, although I mention this from time to time it’s always worth the effort to cover this subject again.

The Howdygram is a project that began TEN YEARS AGO, a personal journal that attempts to log a multitude of very boring, semi-boring and frequently embarrassing events of my life, plus (at no extra charge!) periodic medical updates, political commentary, Putz of the Week awards, local severe weather warnings with accompanying maps as necessary, refreshing household events, easy recipes for handicapped senior citizens who can’t stand up any more to cook things and — last but not least! — food reviews with pictures! This blog has everything you’ve ever wanted, all in one place, suitable for all ages if you don’t mind a little profanity thrown in. (An occasional “fuck you” can be exhilarating. Go ahead … try it!)

Yesterday, July 13, marked a couple of important hoo-hahs. First and probably most importantly, it would have been my father’s 97th birthday if he hadn’t passed away 15 years ago.
Second, it was also National French Fry Day, and I apologize that I blew the following opportunities for you to snag free or cheap fries at the following famous establishments:
  • McDONALD’S. Order via McDonald’s app and get a free medium-size fries every day through September 7.
  • ARBY’S. Order a Brown Sugar Bacon Sandwich and Arby’s will throw in free fries and a free drink. Oy.
  • DAIRY QUEEN. A small order of fries is only one stinking buck at select locations.
  • BURGER FI. Buy any burger or hot dog on July 13 and get a free order of regular fries. (I never heard of Burger Fi, have you?)
  • WIENERSCHNITZEL. Through the end of the month you can get $1 off chili-cheese fries. Please download this coupon first.
I’ll try to do better next year, okay?

It’s time for another installment of The Royals, the Howdygram’s up-close look at the British royal family because this is my blog and I goddamn LOVE these people. Today we’ll look at Chuck, the Prince of Wales, eldest son of the Queen and Prince Philip, who was born at Buckingham Palace on November 14, 1948. Chuck was four at his mother’s Coronation in June 1953. He looked miserable but wore a very cute outfit with ruffles.
Prince Charles received a lot of education. This included various snooty prep schools, two years as an exchange student in Australia, one term at the University College of Wales at Aberystwyth (where he learned to speak Welsh) and finishing off with a history degree from Cambridge University in 1970. With nothing much else to do he began a naval career shortly thereafter, following in the footsteps of his father, grandfather and both great-grandfathers. The Prince qualified as a helicopter pilot in 1974 before joining a Naval Air Squadron that operated from the Commando carrier HMS Hermes. You’re probably highly fucking impressed that I’ve done so much research, right?
In July 1981 the Prince of Wales married Lady Diana Spencer at St. Paul’s Cathedral, and I remember staying up all night to watch the wedding live on TV. They had two sons: Prince William, born in 1982; and Prince Harry, born in 1984.

Charles and Princess Diana had considerable issues in their marriage — including a 12-year age difference and “another woman” named Camilla — and eventually announced their separation in December 1992. Their divorce was final in August 1996. When the Princess was killed in a car crash in Paris one year later, Charles flew to Paris with her two sisters to bring her body back to London, and then during her state funeral accompanied his sons, aged 15 and 12 at the time, as they walked behind the coffin from The Mall to Westminster Abbey. I remember staying up all night to watch that on TV, too.
On April 9, 2005, the Prince of Wales and Camilla Parker-Bowles were married in a civil ceremony at the Guildhall, Windsor. After the wedding, Camilla became known as HRH The Duchess of Cornwall. I am very fond of Camilla because she makes Charles happy and has terrific hair. She is six months older than her husband, which is no big deal whatsoever.

IN OUR NEXT INSTALLMENT: We’ll zoom in on Princess Anne, Charles’s kid sister, who probably had the biggest transformation of anybody in the royal family over the years. Anne doesn’t get involved in too many royal hoo-hahs but still shows up for important shit like her mother’s birthday parties.

I’ve got a lovely herd of FREE FONTS today! Lots of scripts, one weird display font (“Droid”) and, my personal favorite, “Circle Monogram,” that lets you create really gorgeous three-letter monograms with an abundant supply of decorative round frames. This is both quick and very easy, as I created all four of these round monograms in less than two minutes. Seriously! Download links appear after the image so you can snag some of these fonts for your personal collection.

I also have some nice free background images and clipart in case you give a crap about blueberries or kitty-cats. Shoot me an email if you want any of these images, okay?

Now it’s time to fill my pill organizer for the week ahead, answer a couple of emails and grab a quick pish before I go to bed. Thank you for stopping by and say hi to the family for me!

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